Accentuate The Positive - Eliminate the Negative

Be slow to anger and fast to forgive!!!

"The Ripple Guy", Steve Harper, wrote a blog post this week about the "Tend Toward The Negative".  He read the comments on a LinkedIn post about the Apple Watch and discovered that many of those leaving their opinions were nasty toward Apple, the product, and the writer of the article.  For those who read comments on anything online, you know that the negative tends to flame out of control pretty fast.

It struck a cord with Harper.  He hit his boiling point about people going negative, and jumped into the discussion.  He had an interesting conversation with someone who never realized that such mean-spirited comments are linked to their LinkedIn profile forever (oops!).  Go read his post on his Ripple Central Blog.  (Steve is a really good guy and you will like his blog).

Steve Harper is right.  People are quick to go negative on all sorts of issues.  They often go down this hateful path without anything more than their opinions (facts?  research? nah... just their feelings).  It is a trend that has not gotten better because of the growth of social media, but instead the ability to be commenting via computer has exploded the public rant, bitch and hate.

Being nasty is not the best way to build your network.  The words you choose and the actions you take are your brand.  As Harper pointed out in his article, the comments you leave online are very often linked for your real world contacts to see, and are going to be found at some point in the future.  A future job opportunity or new client could vanish because of their seeing a nasty series of comments.

This does not mean you cannot disagree and join in the conversation.  One of the greatest positives about social media is the ability to have many voices heard that would otherwise be silent.  

Yet disagreeing is not a green light to be mean spirited.  

There are ways to share your thoughts while still being respectful toward other people.  We can have conflicting points of view (especially on topics like the "Apple Watch", etc...) and not have to make it personal.  Individuals tend to assume their own point of view is always correct, and anyone who disagrees is clearly lower down on the intelligence scale. (My own life has gotten better since I realized I am not always right, and that I make mistakes... regularly!).

Another problem is that when people get mad, they mistakenly think they are clairvoyant and assume they know what others are thinking and feeling.  Humans are fast to fill in the blanks where facts are missing.  Their own interpretations become their reality.  This fuels their anger, and exasperates the situation. 

We get to choose our attitude in all situations.  Sometimes someone or something is going to not fit in with our vision.  We can lash out and create a negative scene, or we can seek a different perspective that does not cause our nasty side to come forward.  If we need to say something, being mean is not necessary.

The popular song of the 1940s advised that we "Accentuate the positive, eleminate the negative.  Latch onto the affirmative, and don't mess with Mr. In-Between".  While a bit corny, the song is right.  It is a choice we can all make in responding to anything that happens in our lives. When we grab hold of the negative we are more likely to hurt someone and undermine our own future.  My dad always told me to be slow to anger and fast to forgive!

Each day I try to find something good that someone else is doing and draw attention to it.  I like to highlight some of those things in my own writings (ie: the "Cool Things My Friends Do" blog posts and also the focus of my soon to be released "Cool Things Entrepreneurs Do" podcast).   Most often I simply compliment someone privately for what they have done that I think is cool.  The amazing thing is how many people are blown away by the positive comments.  This means it is not happening often enough in the daily lives of people.  Our busy schedules can be overwhelming and it is easy when stressed out to see only the dark side.  I suggest we seek out the light and go positive.

***(That being said, there is a time and a place for anger and a negative opinion.  I am not saying never to speak out when something bad is happening, or the situation is near the top of the scale.  But don't make a 3 into a 10 at every turn!!!)

Have A Great Day

thom singer 

Embrace Change and Start Fresh

As my kids return to school today I am reminded of the power of fresh starts. Having a child entering high school, a meaningful milestone, is a strong example of how life is meant to include change.  My wife and I seem overwhelmed by this big step, but our daughter is taking it in stride.  She is ready to embrace change and start fresh.

Thinking back on my own education, each year came new teachers, friends and experiences.  It also brought new freedoms and responsibilities.  I spent kindergarten through high school within the same school district, and advanced with many of the same kids all along the way.  While our lives remained the same, they also changed constantly. We did not know it at the time, but it was the new experiences that forged our futures.  The changes did us good.

Grown-ups embrace fewer fresh starts.  We often have a harder time making new friends, and while there are always opportunities for change (career changes, new cities, participation in new groups, etc....), we either avoid it altogether or try to lesson the impact of the newness on our lives.

But life is change.  Seeking out ways to reinvent ourselves and encounter the unknown expands opportunities.  Our attitude is the key to how we find power in what comes our way.  With new experiences can come new people and I believe that adding interesting friends is paramount to a fulfilling life.

I am always seeking to meet new people and try new things.  I might even try something other than a Vanilla Latte next time I go into Starbucks (yeah, maybe not).

How has your life changed this year?

Have A Great Day   

thom singer

Are You Filled With Honey or Vinegar?

I gave a copy of my book, "The ABC's of Networking", to a man sitting in my row on my recent flight to Milan.  We had talked for a while, and he was delightful.... and clearly had a kind soul.  He read the entire book during the flight (Hey, we do call it an "Airplane Book"), and then shared his insights on why the message was important.

One thing he said has stuck with me:

He said, quoting (paraphrasing) Rumi, 

"What is special about bees?  They only seek what is beautiful in the world (the flowers), and never pay attention to anything ugly.  Thus what they produce (honey) is so amazingly sweet."

Wow.

How about you?  Are you like a bee?  Do you seek to find the positive and beauty in your surroundings or are you constantly focusing on what is wrong with everything?  Are you producing honey or vinegar?  (The people around you already know the answer.... do you?).

Bees are interesting creatures, as they both work together to create highly networked societies.... and yet they successfully venture forth alone to get things done (gathering pollen).  They work hard (you don't see many lazy bees lounging around the hive) without complaint.  They are gentle in action, but have the ability to sting when necessary.  And their product is sweet and makes the world (and a biscuit) better because of their efforts.

I did not get the name of man on the plane.... our paths simply crossed on a trans-Atlantic flight, but his words touched my heart.  I am captivated by the thought that "a focus on beauty produces sweetness".  It is powerful and something we all need to remember.

I am reminded that we never know when we might have an impact on another person.  If this gentleman and I had not talked, or if I had not shared my book, I would have missed this lesson on seeing beauty in the world.  We must be open to those around us and hear the messages they bring, as the people we meet might be full of honey.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Don't Let Other People Dictate Your Mood

Jason Alba has a post you should read on The JibberJobber Blog.  It is about not letting other people dictate your moods.  He tells a story about his not saying "Thank You" to a guy who held the door open for him outside a Barnes & Noble.  While an expression of gratitude would have been nice, the volunteer doorman angry and shouted "You Are Welcome, A-HOLE!" and stormed off.

This guy let Jason impact his mood in a negative manner.  And then Jason let this guy ruin his day.

How often are we thrown off course by someone else.  We cannot choose how others will behave, but we can choose our reaction.  Holding a door is polite, but you cannot expect others to reward you for doing it.  And spiraling into anger will just mean you will be angry often.

It is like when I drive in Texas and let a car merge in heavy traffic... you usually get the polite "hand wave".  Try that in New York or California, and you will not get any acknowledgement.  This does not mean I wont let the car into my lane.  I do it because it is polite.  (Actually in California and New York you might get a "hand wave".... but it is usually just one finger!).

I have a friend who is a huge college football fan and he loves his Texas A&M Aggies.  Years ago if the team lost (and they lost a lot!) it could put him in a horrible mood that would last for days.  I once saw him through a full drink on the floor of his living room when the team had a game losing fumble.  But nowadays he enjoys watching his Aggies without getting emotionally distraught.  I asked him about the change and he said that one day he realized it was silly to let a bunch of twenty-year-olds impact his entire state of mind because of a ballgame.

He made a conscious choice on how he would react to the actions of others. Win or lose he is not a wreck because of college football.

We all should remember this in our day to day lives.  Things happen, but our reaction is our own choice.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Would You Trade Me?

I was a teenager when my mother fought cancer.  As she lay dying I was understandably upset.  She squeezed my hand and pulled me close.  She whispered in my ear. "Would you trade me?".  I did not understand the question, so she asked, "Would you trade me for a mother who would live longer?".

WHAT?  Oh God....NO!  

I became more emotional.  She smiled at me and added, "If you would not trade me, then you have to learn to deal with this, and find strength in the experience.  I want you focus on the best parts of our life, and not this one part".

She did not want to die.  She fought the disease for three years.  But in the end, she worked hard to find the words to teach me an important lesson.  I have thought about this many times over the past 27 years.

No matter what you are facing, ask yourself "Why am I here".  When you know your purpose it helps you get through the hard times.  I know now, as a parent, that her purpose was clear in that conversation.

If you cannot change a bad situation, do not let it define you.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Are You Open To Criticism?

Learning from your mistakes and short comings is a great way to become better, but to do this you must be open to seeing where you come up light.  Often we do not notice our own faults and we must rely on others to help us discover ways to improve.

The problem is that too few friends, and even fewer strangers, will ever share constructive criticism.  Instead they keep quiet and you are left to repeat your mistakes.  This can continue unchecked for a long time... especially if the problem is minor.

I recently received an email giving me feedback.  I was very impressed that this person, whom I have only met once, took the time to show me where I dropped the ball.  I remember the situation, but did not view the whole picture through his eyes.  

At the time of the infraction I was busy and distracted...... does that sound familiar?  That is an answer we all use to justify selfish behaviors (me too!).  

We hear the busy excuse all the time, but is it really legitimate?  I think not.

When you have a lot on your plate you must still pay attention to how your actions (or lack of actions) are impacting others.  It is rare that a good soul will step up set you straight in a nice way (sure, the jerks are always happy to show you the dark side of yourself). I appreciate this guy, as he hit me in the heart, as my intention was not equal to the result.

Are you open to criticism?  When you are...it can sting (ouch).   But then you grow.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Treat The Good Ones Like GOLD

Two blog posts I read today inspired this  blog post.

The first is by Chris Brogan.  Chris wrote about flaws, and in reading his post it seems that maybe the critical jerks that populate our world were impacting his mood as he sat at his computer.  He is right, we all have flaw, but they should not define us more than the amazing things we do to impact the society around us.

The second was by Leslie Morris (my editor, business partner, friend, and an impressive communications consultant).  Her post contemplated if being a "giver" was born or bred.  She discusses how some people, regardless of their own situation in life, find ways to serve.... while others are oblivious to the needs of others.  She is right that many wonderful people just never seem to discover the easy ways they can positively impact the world.

Well meaning people often can easily slip into self-focus.  This can be gossip and finger-pointing or the lack of philanthropic awareness and efforts. This happens to everyone at some point, as just getting through the day can sometimes be overwhelming.  Yet it is in the patterns we find character.

I believe most people want to do good and assist others in achieving success.  They want to be a beacon of the positive.  This desire often becomes confused with actual action, and can even blind them to their lack of effort or negativity.  Many make promises and never follow through, yet internally view making the promise as equal to the completed action.  Others think that "constructive criticism" 100% of the time is a gift (ummmm, not always!)

We all have made mistakes, and we all come up short on expectations sometimes. Flaws are part of being human. When this happens there is a long line of people willing to share our flaws with the world... But few are the ones who line up to praise others for their successes. When you find these rare souls who help for the sake of helping... and who give for the sake of giving... treat them like GOLD.

My business partner (The publisher at New Year Publishing and Leslie's husband, Dave) is one of these people who finds the good in others and supports them in the efforts to go for their dreams. I would never have become a full time speaker, author, and consultant if he had not seen my goals as legitimate and found ways to assist me to make them bigger than real.

He regularly does stuff to lift others up and avoids slamming people for flaws. Additionally he has had a very successful career. Some mistakenly say he can do good things because he is so successful.... but I know it is the other way around.... He IS successful because most of the time he focuses on the good parts of people and not the bad.... and gives of himself. 

You can't change the selfish people, the gossips, the mean-kids, the dream-killers, and the jerks.  But you can avoid being one of those yourself.  Additionally you must remember to treat the good people in your life like they are made of gold!

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Misunderstood?

Others cannot really know the motivations in your mind. We live in a world where people are quick to judge without inquiry. Even those closest to you may not ask meaningful questions about what drives your actions. They assume they know your soul, but instead they are jumping to conclusions and possibly leaving you feeling misunderstood.

So what?

In the end you must be true to yourself if you want to succeed. While we all want to be understood, it is important to realize that you cannot influence others as much as you may desire. Instead, you have to be able to rise above their opinions.

In my work with individuals and organizations I find many who are struggling with how they are mistakenly viewed by others. When people simplify situations and place you "in a box" it can be painful. Their assumptions can derail your attention to your own successes, and leave you adrift.

Take a moment to do a personal inventory of your purpose. If those passing judgement are right in their observations, make an effort to course correct. Always be working to improve. If they are off base, let it roll of your back like water on a duck.

Then go create your next victory!

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Are You Always The First To Find The Negative?

I am often amazed at how some people can find the horse sh*t before they notice the horse. A horse can be a majestically beautiful animal.... and yet some never see it because they are so interested in the poop.

I recently have been proactively reaching out to potential customers to talk about speaking at their events, sales training programs, and other consulting projects. These efforts lead me to conducting some cold-calling and cold-emailing, which has both positive and negative aspects.

The good side is that I get the chance to talk to many very interesting people who are driven to achieve success. They are interested in helping me connect the dots to the right person in their company, and go out of their way to take an interest in the stranger on the other side of the call. This is bringing me new business opportunities and ongoing interactions with cool folks.

The dark side is that some people are jerks. Their instant reaction is to find the negative and then to be sure to point it out. They seem deeply bothered and are fast to be dismissive. I don't ever let these few bad apples spoil my attitudes about the overwhelming good in people, but they are intriguing in how they can suck the good vibes right out of the room. No wonder people hate to cold call.

Each time I encounter person who is an "ass" I am surprised. One would think after two decades in sales and marketing that I would be used to people like this, but I still am shocked when I get attitude from someone. They are few and far between, but these types are out there looming.

How do people go through life with these rain clouds in their soul? It makes me sad for the people who know them outside the office.

What do you think? Do you encounter these people often? How do you react?

Are you one of these people? Why?

Have A Great Day.

thom

How Do You React? Your Attitude Is A Window To Your Soul

When you encounter people who are looking to grow their business, expand their horizons, or do anything in this world...... how do you react?

Are you instantly supportive, curious, and excited to find ways to help?

Or are you accusatory, snarky, and mean spirited?

I encountered two people today who approached the world in exact opposite ways. They were both reacting to the same inquiring email that I sent them about working together, and I was amazed within the course of one hour the different reactions I could get from these two "professionals".

One was excited by what I was doing, and went out of their way to learn more, make recommendations, and is now considering hiring me to conduct a training program for her company. She is the type of person I believe most people enjoy being around. She explored the situation, shared her opinions, asked probing questions, and searched for ways to connect the dots.

If I had to select two words to describe the first person, I would choose "delightful" and "empowering".

The other person cut holes in my efforts, accused me of being a copy cat, and did so with a tone of bitchy superiority. In just a few sentences she presented herself as a cynic.

The words for her? I probably should not say them!

These two exchanges got me thinking... how we react to things is more about us than it is about the situation itself. We get to choose how we respond to others.

Our attitude is often a window to our soul.

For a few minutes the second person made me feel bad about myself. Then I laughed. I am happy that I do not have to go through life with such dark clouds circling my personality.

I hope that I am more like the first woman in my interactions with others. I try to be interested and supportive, even if the other persons products and services are not something I desire.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Brainstorming Your Goal and Action Plan For 2011

Setting goals is important if you want to achieve more next year. Waiting for luck will not produce the results you desire.

Having clear goals makes the tough decisions that come your way a simple pitfall. When faced with a choice you ask "Does this bring me closer to my goals?" - and the answer is a simple yes or no.

But sometimes it is hard for people to review their personal situation and clarify the steps they need to take. They set general aspirations, but miss the specific goals and actions that can make a difference.

I have become very good at identifying good ideas for others, but I still miss things that could help me achieve success. We are all too close to our own lives to have clear vision.

This year I have turned to others to help me identify some goals, and actions, that will be part of my 2011 plan. In return, I will assist them in a review of their own path.

You can reach out to people and brainstorm together for your "Goal / Action Plans" for 2011.

Seven Steps To Brainstorming Your Goal and Action Plan for 2011

1. Select someone (or a small group) whom you respect. You can get together in a conference room, a coffee shop or in your living room. Allow 30 minutes per person in attendance. Two, three or four people is ideal, but a larger group would work, too.

I suggest the people you meet with not be those who are closest to your business and personal life. The ones who know you best might not have an objective prospective.

2. Understand the meaning of "confidentiality" and leave your ego at the door. Those who brainstorm have to be of high character so that you can all share freely your current business situation and future goals. Knowing the other person wont share your goals with your competitors is key to allowing you to freely talk about your desires.

Everyone must leave their egos behind, as a brainstorming partner might have a perspective about your situation that is not what you want to hear. If you do not take constructive criticism well, this process might not work for you.

3. Agree in advance to forgo too much small talk or other conversation. Set a timer and commit to a focused discussion for each person. Time is a precious commodity and this is a working meeting with a clear purpose.

4. Have a plan. The 30 minutes should include 10 minutes for the person at the focus to explain their business and what they are hoping to accomplish in the new year, and 20 minutes for the other person(s) to ask questions and make suggestions.

5. Take Notes. A notepad, laptop, or white board should be used to record all ideas. Nothing suggested in a brainstorming session is a bad idea or "wrong". Instead gather all information with an open mind. An idea that is not the right fit might be the catalyst for another concept that will have a direct impact on your future success.

6. After the meeting review. Devote time to contemplate the ideas that other person had for you. Think about how you can implement the unique ideas that were suggested. Take the parts that resonate and make them part of you 2011 Goal and Action Plan. Do not dwell on the parts that were not in line with your plans.

Be sure to write down your goals. These should not only be derived from this meeting, as you should be compiling a deeper set of goals and actions for all areas of your life. Without a written plan, this meeting will be a waste of time.

7. Remember that this meeting was not just about you. While reviewing your own session, consider the 30 minutes that were focused on others and their needs. If you know people in your network who can help them succeed, make an introduction. If other ideas come to you that could help them, send an email. Too many people do not "follow through" when they think of ways to assist other people. Do not be selfish. Take actions to assist the other person no matter when the idea comes to you.


How do you find brainstorming partners? Just ask. There are lot of people who want to jump-start their career in 2011, and are excited to meet with someone to discuss the options. I suggested such a meeting on Twitter and instantly scheduled five mutually-beneficial meetings with local people (some whom I only know via Twitter). My goal is to meet with ten people during the last week of 2010 and the first week of 2011.

Imagine, ten high energy brainstorming meetings where you get ideas from smart business professionals. At the same time, you get to help them with their career. Powerful.

One friend said "but that is ten wasted hours.... I don't have that kind of time". This same person spends tons of time on Xbox. Hmmmmm, I think it is all perspective. If you want to do this you can find the time. And you don't need ten people. One meeting with the right person could change your life.

Spending time with interesting people and learning about their goals is never time wasted. Even if you get no specific short-term ideas, you could spur a long-term relationship that can pay unforeseen rewards in the future.

Have A Great Day.

thom

Post "Me Generation" Economy

Get ready for a big gulp of gratitude!

The hot topic for 2011 is "Gratitude" (AKA: Showing Appreciation, Saying Thank You, etc...).

Two best selling authors are releasing new books on this topic early next year (Tim Sander's "Today We Are Rich", and Gary Vaynerchuk's "The Thank You Economy"), and countless articles on the subject are already appearing in magazines, newspapers and across the Blogosphere. Keynote speakers at conventions and company meetings across industry lines are delivering the message - "Say Thank You!"

Look around, you will see this too. It is the new "Buzz Word".

And this is a good thing!!!!

The concept of expressing appreciation is hardly new. Most people had a parent or grandparent who tried to instill the importance of sending that handwritten thank you note following receipt of a gift. One person recently told me of his aunt who would not send birthday presents the following year unless a thank you note had been received from the previous birthday (and she gave cash as gifts!). It is standard etiquette. Emily Post style.

But we lost our way from doing the simple things that really do matter. The "Me Generation" ran rough-shot over those things that took effort and produced no instant gratification. (Why send a note? You already got the gift!).

For all the boom-boom times and fun, the "Me Generation" (and all that went with those heady times) had some flaws. Today there is clearly a shift in our society to move "Back to Basics", and one of those basics is gratitude.

I have been writing and speaking about this topic for over five years. My first book (and all my books since) and early speeches included lessons of the power of sending hand written notes, and finding amazing and memorable ways to say "Thank You" to those who helped you succeed (beyond a text that reads "thx dude" as one person sent me recently!).

If you want people to send you opportunities then you must let them know you appreciate their efforts. Too many people get busy and forget this step. Those who send referrals are quick to send the next one to someone else if you fail acknowledge them. The well goes dry if you do not show gratitude.

As we move into this "Post Me Generation Economy" there will be many things that will surprise us as revolutionary ideas (that are really old-time common sense). The focus on gratitude is just one topic. We already see the younger generations looking for ways to simplify their lives and placing priorities on community, charity, environment and other non-self-centered causes.

What else is key to "Getting Back To Basics"????

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Eye Roller / Pre-Judger

Are you an "Eye Roller / Pre-Judger"?

You know the type of person I am talking about: as soon as they hear about someone, something, some place, etc.... they roll their eyes and have an instant opinion. They have no first hand experience, but they are instant to proclaim it as "lame".

We all do this to some degree, but many do it to obscene levels. Having this trait in over-drive limits opportunities.

I see this sometimes when I speak at large conferences. People hear the keynote speaker will be talking about "The Power of Business Relationships and Networking", and they assume they know exactly what they will be getting from the presentation.

How do I know they roll their eyes and pre-judge me before they hear the talk? Because they come up to me after the speech and tell me this. A woman last month and said "Wow. That was a great presentation. When I saw the schedule I thought this talk about networking would just be 'fluffy', but you surprised me. I am glad I came because I almost skipped this keynote to go catch up on emails".

That sounds like a weird compliment, but I hear it often.... and I understand what she is saying; "I am an eye roller / pre-judger and I had my own false opinion of you and your speech long before I arrived".

It is not just speech titles and keynote speakers that get the eye rolls. It happens everywhere to everyone. I told a friend that McDonald's new smoothies are really good. Her eyes almost disappeared in her head. But a month later she called to tell me I was right, as she tried one and found it tasty and healthy. She admitted that she prejudged McDonald's without investigation. Now she drinks them often.

People, movies, restaurants, vacation destinations, companies, books, stores, activities, bands, bars, cars, etc..... Everything gets pre-judged based on people's own perceptions without the need for facts!

Granted, we cannot try everything, but the smartest and most successful people I know are always seeking out new experiences... not shutting them off instantly.

When we pre-judge we limit our opportunities. We miss out on cool things, places and people who could have a positive impact on our life.

I ask audiences if they know people are quick to "eye roll and pre-judge", .... and everyone seems to know these people. They always have negative opinions of that person in their universe who does this, and then I challenge them to look at themselves. Many admit they are guilty too.

I catch myself ... and when I do, I try to get past it. And it never fails, the thing I thought would be "lame" turns out to be fun, educational, or otherwise amazing.

How about you?

Have A Great Day

thom

Seeking A Way Out Of Frustration

There is a disconnect between what people want and what they have. Human beings are seekers. We seek more money, love, spirituality, adventure, sex, knowledge, experiences, etc...

In discussions with clients I am discovering that many people are frustrated. The economy seems to be in a holding pattern of uncertainty, and the lack of options have many people feeling stuck. It has been over two years of economic uncertainty, and for most of us that is the first time we have lived through this type of financial downturn.

We have become conditioned to fast results. The recent political election goes beyond the politics of left vs. right. People do not change ideology in an instant, but instead they are looking for the quick fix and assume new leadership in Congress will bring new results.

Employees are frustrated with their companies. If they have survived this long through the rough times, they are more than ready to see some of the good times return. They want to go seek something new, but the reality of their obligations and the lack of job options mean they cannot make a change. Too many are just going through the motions.

Employers see the situation differently, but they too are frustrated. Business owners and managers want to grow their companies, and most have already made deep cuts in spending to keep afloat. They are left with options. They have tried to save their way to prosperity by not investing in advertising, sales incentives, marketing, client development, etc.... In the end, you cannot save your way to growth. Plus, employees miss the good times when every penny was not being pinched. The owners and managers miss those times too!

Focus on a task or hiding in a cubicle is not the path to seek a route out of frustration. Those who want to make a real change must get off their butt and engage in their community. All opportunities come from people, and directly or indirectly, if you want to find "more" you must come out into the light.

I suggest people take advantage of the end of the year to network and volunteer like their life depend on it (because it does). The holiday season brings with it many opportunities to engage with other people at parties and other events. It also presents the chance to serve others in your community who are in need.

If you want to start your 2011 with a new sense of empowerment, make two new friends and help two people (or organizations) who are in need. When you take the attention off your own situation and begin interacting with others (and listening and learning), it can take you away from the frustrations that seem so overwhelming.

Give it a try and let me know how it works.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Create A Foundation For Your Future

"How can someone launch out on their own and become an author, consultant, and professional speaker?" (or follow another dream?)

I was asked this question after a keynote presentation at a luncheon meeting of business professionals. My answer of; "get laid off", brought a roar of laughter from the audience. But for me it was the truth.

I was working toward leaving my job as director of marketing for a consulting firm a year later, but the international economic downturn had other plans and my position was eliminated on April 1, 2009. That day I declared I was a full-time professional speaker.

Eighteen months later I am still here.

The key for me was that I was not starting from square one. I was already clear about my desire to speak at conferences, trade shows, company meetings, sales kick-offs and other events. I had written several books, launched a website, wrote a daily blog, and created the Networking Quotient Quiz. Additionally I had already been asked to speak nearly 200 times for companies, law firms, associations, and other groups over the previous decade.

I had a strong network of personal and professional contacts with whom I had created long-term and mutually beneficial relationships. I was not a stranger to people who could hire speakers, or were influencers in the business community. Having a network of people who will give you business, talk up your new venture and refer you to potential clients is paramount to success.

I had created a foundation for the future, even though I was not sure when the future would arrive.

There will be naysayers who try to undermine your path. Many well meaning friends (and some not so well meaning) will question your direction. I suggest you smile and go on about your business. Every successful entrepreneur has had people who were convinced they would fail. If your foundation is strong, it will support your efforts.

If you do fail, pick yourself up and keep going. I have learned more about business in the past eighteen months than I ever learned in my 20-year career. If I choose to work for a company again in the future, my boss will have a much better employee because of my entrepreneurial journey. Thus the adventure of pursuing my dream is both my passion and my education.

My family and my business partner at New Year Publishing have encouraged me and kept me going on those days when the stress and pressure to succeed overwhelmed my focus. If you want to start a business you need a support mechanism and network of people who will keep you on on track. You cannot do it alone. People matter --- never forget that!

A positive attitude, continuous learning, and dedication to the your industry will also be instrumental in your path to success. In my case I have become a advocate of the professional speaking BUSINESS. I am an active member of the National Speaker's Association (locally and nationally), and I coach and encourage others who desire to enter the industry. It is a commitment to your craft (no matter what your industry) that will make you stand out from the crowd.

Getting laid off gave me a push, but it has been working with amazing people and following my heart that has made this a career.

If you are one of those people who have helped me along the way -- THANK YOU!!!

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Networking Is NOT About Keeping Score

Steve Harper of "The Ripple Effect" (AKA - Mr. Ripple and @rippleon) has an important post on his Ripple Blog today: "Your Style Points Are Being Tracked". Go read it now... I will wait......

His message is about not keeping score in your networking efforts. Too many people mistakenly think that they should be tracking the good things they do to help others succeed and expecting direct reciprocation. Yet creating long-term, mutually beneficial relationships and cultivating a powerful reputation cannot be done if you are always asking "What's in it for me?"

I also get asked about this topic very often, especially when I am consulting with lawyers, CEOs, sales managers and other executives. People are focused on finding their own success, and with limited time and resources they question if helping others really has a direct ROI.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. If you think that doing one favor one time will mean that people will line up to assist you in reaching your goals, then you will be disappointed. The powerful rewards and opportunities only come after you make the efforts. This is about a lifestyle of taking joy in seeing others win for the greater good... not just your immediate gratification.

You need not keep score because "the universe" does keep score. In the end, those in your business community instinctively know who are the "givers" and the "takers". They see what is in your heart and mirror their actions to your soul.

If you want to attract the right type of people into your life who will go the extra mile to help you find your goals, dreams and aspirations... then you must first be the type of person who does that for others.

This video clip from a recent presentation sums it up:



(If you do not see the video... here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ET1Wr2-Ta9I

Have A Great Day.

thom

When Your Back's Against The Wall

Country artist Kenny Chesney's epic chart topping hit about high school football, "Boys of Fall" has a verse that rings in my soul every time I hear the song:

"I've got your number, I've got your back, when your back's against the wall. You mess with one man, you got us all..."

When you are part of a team, everyone watches out for each other, but in the business world too many people feel they are all alone. They want that feeling of "team", but they do not sense that it exists within their network of professional contacts.

The realities of the economy over the last few years means that back's ARE pushed against the wall. Some people have amazing personal support groups, but few believe they have a real network of business connections who are looking out for their best interests.

How about you?.... Whose got your back when your back is against the wall? Is there a team of people who say "if you mess with one man (or woman), you got us all"?

The best way to cultivate a group of people willing to block and tackle for you is to be the person who does that for others. The pressures we all face make it is easy to get caught up with self focused actions. Even the most well-meaning can miss opportunities to help those in their network.

I talk to people who have great intentions to serve others. They even think they are being an active resource because they want to be a good "partner" to those in their inner circle. But "wanting" to do something and actually "doing" something are two different things. Philosophically understanding that you should be a person who finds ways to impact others is not enough.

Dr. Stephen Covey had it right in his book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" with this description of an "Emotional Bank Account". Before you can make withdrawals you must first make deposits. Too many people show up in their business community when they are in need of help and ask for favors. They expect their network to uncover opportunities (or otherwise "have their back"), but they have been playing for the other team the whole time.

I am fortunate because I do have people who are watching out for me. Most of my business comes directly from referrals. These people on my "team" refer me to their companies and professional organizations to speak at sales meetings, users conferences, conventions and other events where I can serve the keynote speaker, breakout trainer, or master of ceremonies. These same people give me constructive feedback and marketing ideas that help me grow my business.

And I do the same thing for them.

If you want a team, appoint yourself as "team captain" and bring together a group of people who are willing to put in the effort to construct a "club" with a high level of support.

And remember, as the song says: "They didn't let just anyone in that club, took every ounce of heart and sweat and blood" (That means not just anyone makes your team... they have to earn it!)

Have A Great Day

thom

Make 4th Quarter Count For Achieving Your Business Goals

The Fourth Quarter of 2010 is about to arrive.

Wow, in just days we will hit the ending quartile of the year and many people are not living up to their own goals, hopes, dreams, and wishes that they had envisioned for 2010. Most people, whether they set formal written goals or not, do think about the future at milestones like New Years Day. They want to take action in a new year to bring greater success into their life. But wishing alone will not make it happen.

If at any point in Q4 2009 you thought about how much you wanted to accomplish in 2010, and then have not achieved the mark.... do not despair. Having target goals is not always about total achievement, but instead about the habits your create while working to achieve them. If you are behind, now is NOT the time to forget your desires, either. I find those who say "oh well" and start fantasizing about 2011, and then repeat the same thing year after year.

With three months left on the calendar we can still make a difference in how the year finishes. I consulted with a lawyer in Q1 who wanted to create and act upon a business plan that would help him win more business and grow his reputation in the community. His plan was completed by March 31st, but he has done nothing in the following two quarters that could be considered "action steps". That's normal, we all get busy, and having a focus on new business development and a personal brand are learned habits that take time to become a regular part of our lives. Now that he sees how easy it is to do nothing with his plan, the time has come to get realistic and decide what he is going to do to make 2010 at least a partial success.

If any of this resonates with you, then take action in October, November and December to push your career forward. Get over the standard rationalization that "nobody works much in the holiday season, so I will wait until January". LAME. The most successful people work in all seasons! Join them.

Have A Great Day.

thom

Create Your Own University

Do you study at the feet of others in your industry?

I am not talking about literally sitting at their feet (yikes, maybe their shoes smell bad!), but I am serious about studying how others are achieving their successes. Knowing who they are is not enough, you must observe and learn.... taking the parts that will work for you and importing them into your own life.

This does not necessarily mean you have to personally know all the "industry giants" and meet with them face-to-face. I know lots of people who stalk industry leaders and hope they will magically lift them to the next level. The reality is those who are on top of the heap are busy, (and some are jerks who do not want to help you - even if they had the time) and too many up-and-comers are jockeying for their attention. Expecting them to invest in teaching you is not realistic.

If you want to be at the top of your field, but do not know how to get there, you need to become a student of success. Do not expect a miracle or lucky break, as those rarely happen in the same way they do in the movies. It is not about meeting a famous success story and copying their life, but rather seeing all that is happening around your industry and interpreting how to use what you have learned to construct your own victories.

I suggest you create your own university and always be learning. Everyone in your industry (and beyond) will instruct you how to succeed. They do not even need to know they are teaching you. We always can learn from others, whether they know it or not!

Over a decade ago I became fascinated with the business of "Professional Speaking". Long before I was ever paid to talk I studied speakers. Everything they did helped educate me for my future in the business. I enjoyed watching anyone who presented (professionals and others) and started to study how people utilized the spoken word to inspire, educate and motivate audiences.

I called this "Speaker's University", and the student body was one.... ME!

But the faculty was unlimited. Professional speakers, authors, entrepreneurs, politicians, preachers, coaches, co-workers, entertainers, sales professionals, etc... Anytime someone spoke to an audience I took copious notes on as much their speaking style as I did the information they were sharing with the audience.

I have watched all the Democrat and Republican National Conventions on television since 1992 with an eye for how each speaker chose their words. At every business convention I have attended my ear was tuned on the vocal inflections of the guru's. In church the priests manner of relating to his flock was observed. Annual State of the Union Address: Extra Credit!!! Everybody who was on stage was my "Speaker's University" professor.

I joined speaking organizations and read everything I could get my hands on about the industry (the National Speakers Association's "Speaker Magazine" is a great resource, and you do not need to be a member of the organization to subscribe to the publication).

I also spoke to any and every audience I could find. I set a goal to speak 50 times a year, as much like Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hour theory (did you read Outliers?), I knew that doing was what would make me great, not just studying! In 2008 I gave 48 talks. 2009 it was 53. In 2010 I will top 65 presentations. I have give close to 500 presentations, teleconferences, and webinars in total.

Does this make me a better professional speaker? YES IT DOES! Many people who speak at conferences and other events have never invested five minutes in thinking about the real art and science that goes into creating meaningful connections with the audience. They are on stage for a variety of reasons, but it is often not because they honor and admire the industry of speaking. I love working in this business and will continue to study at "Speaker's University" for the rest of my life. There is no graduation ceremony!

If you set out to learn the ins and outs of your industry, and the people who work in the business, you will become great. Do not limit your study to the top tier industry leaders. I have learned a lot from lousy speakers! (and not just what NOT to do, everyone has something good inside them that can contribute to your education). Training yourself be an enthusiastic and open minded student will bring you more success.

Avoid being critical of the people you observe. There are many paths to success and when you discredit your peers for how they are navigating their careers (as long as they are being ethical) you are missing out on valuable lessons that could help you reach your own goals. You need not adopt every idea, concept, action or practice that you uncover.... but you should try to understand how and why those items are working (or not working) for others.

Being a student means you have to check your ego at the door, as it is admitting you do not know all the answers. No matter your personal levels of success, you can still learn. The best of the best that I have ever seen are always stretching and growing. Be open to the great supply of knowledge that others in your industry can impart into your life.

Create your own university and learn all you can every single day.

Have A Great Day.

thom

13-Year-Old Artist Takes On Landscape Architecture

Bobby is 13-years-old. He is an accomplished artist who has won many school and city-wide awards. The world is his canvass; he paints, sculpts, twists wire into amazing shapes, and takes found items (aka "junk") and makes them amazing pieces that "wow" the imagination. He works with wood, cardboard, paper-mache, clay, metal, oil paints, water colors, styrofoam, etc...

For Bobby the whole world is art.

His next project? Landscape architecture! He asked his parents if their simple grass backyard could become his next artistic venture....

They said "yes".

He is now in the process of out with the old, and in with the new. He rented a BobCat and carved the slope in the yard into a level field (his dad helped). He will construct a retaining wall and planter to frame the yard with flowers and plants. There will be a patio, BBQ area, and grassy knoll.

I was not this ambitious at 13-years-old.

Also, how many parents just say "OK" and then take the kid to Home Depot to rent heavy machinery?

I am confident this yard will become the showplace of the neighborhood when he completes his landscaping adventures.

How come Bobby can do this? Because nobody told him he couldn't. He sees the completed project in his mind. As he toured me around the muddy palate behind his home he pointed out exactly where his dad will stand to BBQ burgers for the family. He visualized his mom with a cold beverage sitting at the table, that is only now in his imagination. He knows where the dog (a giant St. Bernard named "Tug") will nap in the sun.

Did I mention he is thirteen?

I know many grown ups who never follow their dreams. They have ideas in their mind, but never create paths to accomplishing greatness.

Your dream might not be art. You may not want to do the heavy lifting of yard-work and landscaping.... but I would wager you have something you desire to take from the corners of your mind and share with the world.

Who said you can't? Go find a way to do it.

Have A Great Day.

thom