Learning from your mistakes and short comings is a great way to become better, but to do this you must be open to seeing where you come up light. Often we do not notice our own faults and we must rely on others to help us discover ways to improve.
The problem is that too few friends, and even fewer strangers, will ever share constructive criticism. Instead they keep quiet and you are left to repeat your mistakes. This can continue unchecked for a long time... especially if the problem is minor.
I recently received an email giving me feedback. I was very impressed that this person, whom I have only met once, took the time to show me where I dropped the ball. I remember the situation, but did not view the whole picture through his eyes.
At the time of the infraction I was busy and distracted...... does that sound familiar? That is an answer we all use to justify selfish behaviors (me too!).
We hear the busy excuse all the time, but is it really legitimate? I think not.
When you have a lot on your plate you must still pay attention to how your actions (or lack of actions) are impacting others. It is rare that a good soul will step up set you straight in a nice way (sure, the jerks are always happy to show you the dark side of yourself). I appreciate this guy, as he hit me in the heart, as my intention was not equal to the result.
Are you open to criticism? When you are...it can sting (ouch). But then you grow.
Do you study at the feet of others in your industry?
I am not talking about literally sitting at their feet (yikes, maybe their shoes smell bad!), but I am serious about studying how others are achieving their successes. Knowing who they are is not enough, you must observe and learn.... taking the parts that will work for you and importing them into your own life.
This does not necessarily mean you have to personally know all the "industry giants" and meet with them face-to-face. I know lots of people who stalk industry leaders and hope they will magically lift them to the next level. The reality is those who are on top of the heap are busy, (and some are jerks who do not want to help you - even if they had the time) and too many up-and-comers are jockeying for their attention. Expecting them to invest in teaching you is not realistic.
If you want to be at the top of your field, but do not know how to get there, you need to become a student of success. Do not expect a miracle or lucky break, as those rarely happen in the same way they do in the movies. It is not about meeting a famous success story and copying their life, but rather seeing all that is happening around your industry and interpreting how to use what you have learned to construct your own victories.
I suggest you create your own university and always be learning. Everyone in your industry (and beyond) will instruct you how to succeed. They do not even need to know they are teaching you. We always can learn from others, whether they know it or not!
Over a decade ago I became fascinated with the business of "Professional Speaking". Long before I was ever paid to talk I studied speakers. Everything they did helped educate me for my future in the business. I enjoyed watching anyone who presented (professionals and others) and started to study how people utilized the spoken word to inspire, educate and motivate audiences.
I called this "Speaker's University", and the student body was one.... ME!
But the faculty was unlimited. Professional speakers, authors, entrepreneurs, politicians, preachers, coaches, co-workers, entertainers, sales professionals, etc... Anytime someone spoke to an audience I took copious notes on as much their speaking style as I did the information they were sharing with the audience.
I have watched all the Democrat and Republican National Conventions on television since 1992 with an eye for how each speaker chose their words. At every business convention I have attended my ear was tuned on the vocal inflections of the guru's. In church the priests manner of relating to his flock was observed. Annual State of the Union Address: Extra Credit!!! Everybody who was on stage was my "Speaker's University" professor.
I joined speaking organizations and read everything I could get my hands on about the industry (the National Speakers Association's "Speaker Magazine" is a great resource, and you do not need to be a member of the organization to subscribe to the publication).
I also spoke to any and every audience I could find. I set a goal to speak 50 times a year, as much like Malcolm Gladwell's 10,000 hour theory (did you read Outliers?), I knew that doing was what would make me great, not just studying! In 2008 I gave 48 talks. 2009 it was 53. In 2010 I will top 65 presentations. I have give close to 500 presentations, teleconferences, and webinars in total.
Does this make me a better professional speaker? YES IT DOES! Many people who speak at conferences and other events have never invested five minutes in thinking about the real art and science that goes into creating meaningful connections with the audience. They are on stage for a variety of reasons, but it is often not because they honor and admire the industry of speaking. I love working in this business and will continue to study at "Speaker's University" for the rest of my life. There is no graduation ceremony!
If you set out to learn the ins and outs of your industry, and the people who work in the business, you will become great. Do not limit your study to the top tier industry leaders. I have learned a lot from lousy speakers! (and not just what NOT to do, everyone has something good inside them that can contribute to your education). Training yourself be an enthusiastic and open minded student will bring you more success.
Avoid being critical of the people you observe. There are many paths to success and when you discredit your peers for how they are navigating their careers (as long as they are being ethical) you are missing out on valuable lessons that could help you reach your own goals. You need not adopt every idea, concept, action or practice that you uncover.... but you should try to understand how and why those items are working (or not working) for others.
Being a student means you have to check your ego at the door, as it is admitting you do not know all the answers. No matter your personal levels of success, you can still learn. The best of the best that I have ever seen are always stretching and growing. Be open to the great supply of knowledge that others in your industry can impart into your life.
Create your own university and learn all you can every single day.
Three weeks ago I wrote a blog post called "Respect For Schedules - Don't 'Better Deal' People". The post was inspired when a sales guy in the local office of a business services firm canceled a meeting we had scheduled to have coffee, catch up, and network....TWICE.
Both times he called off our meeting with short notice and claimed to have meetings with "important" prospects. It was clear that he ranked everyone he encounters as to how they could help HIM, and I was clearly not high on his floating scale of who mattered.
It was not that he was busy or impressively doing deals in this economy that stuck with me, it was that he had ZERO respect for my schedule. I could have had other meetings set at this time, but I held to our plan, and put others in different slots on my calendar. I was abandoned when he changed his mind about the get-together, and my time wasted.
Now I am the first person to realize that in any economy, a meeting with a prospect is very important... but one has to know how to manage their calendar. If I don't rank, cool with me... do not schedule the meeting in the first place. To cancel meetings on occasion is unavoidable, but twice sends a message that you are selfish and just don't respect the other person.
Alas, welcome to TODAY. The reschedule of our coffee meeting was on the agenda for three weeks. I even ran into him four days ago and we confirmed the appointment was coming up. But with one hours notice, he called to say that he had an unfinished RFP for a prospect, and thus he needed to bail out.
He wondered if tomorrow was available.
NO. Tomorrow is not available.
I am not the most important person on the planet. Meeting with me and having me as a referral source probably makes no difference in his success.... so I doubt he will lose any sleep on this one. I did not tell him that "when hell freezes over" is my current opinion of when we will get together, but I am sure that he sensed my cool attitude when I failed to calendar another date on the spot.
He said he was sorry. But as I tell my kids, sorry does not erase the things you do.
We all need to remember that our reputations, our personal and professional brands, are built by our actions.... not our words. People all desire to feel respected by others. When you make another person feel small, they hurt. When you hurt them more than once, they don't forget.
Now, I also know that over time I will soften and if he calls in a few months I will set an appointment and try again. That is just the kind of person I am... in the end I want to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
You've got the power... to make somebody else feel wonderful.
A friend sent me a very positive and encouraging note following my presentation / seminar, "Smart Visibility", that I conducted this week in conjunction with the Austin Business Journal.
He said:
"I am so glad I attended yesterday. You are good, really good. ..... Your affability and presence are powerful. Love that you make your audience laugh and you have great energy. It was terrific attending. ....Well done, Thom."
He did not need to send me this email. It only took him a few minutes, but it made my whole day much more special.
It reminded me that we all have the power to lift up the people we encounter on a daily basis. We don't have to do this. We could cut them down or just be indifferent. But when we use our power to encourage and praise others, we make the world a brighter place.
Find a way today to raise another person's spirits. All you have to do is show them some respect and they will smile inside and out.
I just got "Better Dealed" for the second time in two weeks.
A gentleman who is a very aggressive sales professional, whom I know and admire, canceled on me twice for coffee. Both times he said that he had to reschedule because "the opportunity to meet with a big prospect popped up". Thus, the importance of my time in setting up the meeting seemed to have zero value in his view of the world. I guess he figured I had nothing better to do during the time we had planned to connect.
Does this ever happen to you?
How does it make you feel?
Now look at it in reverse... when you move a meeting at the last minute, do you consider the other person's feelings? By canceling at the last minute are you showing respect to their calendar? Did you waste their time?
Moving a meeting not only pushes that meeting out into the future, but it leaves a hole in the calendar where I could have met with someone else.
The person rescheduling clearly sends a message that says "Someone more important than you has requested my time".
I understand that things come up and people need to move meetings. It happens for very legitimate reasons. Being flexible is just part of being in business. But being conscious of others is also part of the equation. If you look at time as yours to possess, that is selfish. Once you are on someones schedule, you are co-owners of that appointment.
From time to time this happens to everyone (I have done this... rocks... glass house... I know). You cannot be in two places at once. However, if the same person moves a meeting twice in the same manner within a few days, it is a red flag about the relationship. Clearly he does not see me as having much value in his circle of influence. That is okay, as not everyone will like me or value my being part of their network.
But now the awkward third meeting is scheduled. My opinion of this person now leans toward his being self-focus and not someone who would be a mutually beneficial resource. So why are we even meeting?
In establishing a network, we need to be careful, as the perception we give others becomes their reality. I am, however, an eternal optimist and look forward to meeting with this person. I hope that I can find a way to bring him value in his quest to succeed. I am fairly certain that he is "too busy" to ever read this blog, so he wont know of my frustration.
Besides, sometimes the meetings that are the toughest to pull off have the greatest long-term value. We might become wonderful referral sources that will influence each other's future.
With my job as a professional speaker and a business consultant I find myself working on the go. I often set up shop in the corner of a Starbucks, or other place that has WiFi. While I can be very productive working in a coffee shop, I am often amazed at the levels of unconcern that other people have for others in society.
A couple of weeks ago three families with young kids in tow sat down next to me and the parents chatted away while the children ran free. I was trying to read, and had been sitting alone... and not once did the parents look my direction.
Last weekend I was working in a Starbucks when a group of ten women came in and rounded up all the chairs to have a meeting. They even had a laptop, projector and screen. They were all around me and never once did a person say "excuse me". I left before the presentation began, and nobody made eye contact.
As I write this I am in a Starbucks. Seven women have appeared and taken over the table next to me. They took my extra chairs (which is fine, and to their credit, they asked before just taking the chairs), but in this small area they are nearly on top of me. They are very loud, and talking on and on about the Swine Flu (and other issues). They are making jokes about the possible health crisis and mocking the situation. The one woman is just back from Mexico and is mocking fake coughs toward her friends and laughing.
What I don't understand is how people can be so distracting in a public location and not take into account the others in the establishment. Especially those who had arrived first. While it is a "free country" and they have every right to have their gatherings in a Starbucks, basic respect for others seems to not be a concern.
I know, I am living in a glass house and throwing rocks. I am sure that I have annoyed people all throughout my life, but I try to be considerate of others. It is true that if I am put off by these people I can always work some other place (but I like working out in public, I gain energy from seeing other people going about their lives). The point is that we need to have concern for those around us or our society cannot function properly.
I am challenging myself, and others, to take a few moments to look around and notice others. If we do not see them, then we continue to live in selfish cocoons. This might make our individual lives seem better, it really does advance the common good.
As I finish this post I wont even tell you about the conversation I am hearing NOW. YIKES. Lets just say "Too Much Information" about personal stuff. Ummmm, beyond being disrespectful to those within ear shot by being loud, think about what you are talking about people.
Have A Great Day.
thom
PS- When the large group of loud women left Starbucks 25 minutes after I finished writing this post, they DID NOT return their chairs that they had moved about to their original places. They just left the seven chairs in a messy circle around the table (and they left newspapers on the table!).... and they blocked the isle. It is very disappointing to see a group of obviously educated and fortunate individuals with little regard for anyone else.
I know they will never read this post, but if they did -- I wonder if they would even recognize themselves?
