Give A Little Extra - Deposits Into The Emotional Bank Account

It is fun to see people succeed.  Even when you are chasing your own goals and dreams, seeing others make progress can be inspiring and recharge the batteries of your own pursuit. Being part of their success is even better.  Not only can it make you feel good, but it can help you build up what Stephen Covey called "The Emotional Bank Account".

We must make deposits into relationships if we hope others will help us in our own journey, just as an account owner must have built up a balance in a bank before he or she can make withdraws.  When our account is overdrawn we always run into trouble (with people or at the bank).

Problems do occur, and I do not want to sound too "Polyanna-ish" in regard to engaging in the difficulties of relationships.  I have had experiences when I have encountered those who did not want to cultivate the give and take (they were focused on "take").  But mostly I have created friendships in business, and that makes working together much more enjoyable.  Doing business in a friendly manner makes for more fun, and it is exciting to find joy in the victories of others. When you have built up a positive balance in your "bank account", then misunderstanding and mistakes along the way seem like minor hiccups.

In his groundbreaking book, "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" (originally released in 1989), Covey talked about the "abundance mindset".  When we see other's success is not a reflection of their taking something away from our pile of successes, we are on the right track.  There is not a limited amount to be divided up, but instead there is always more for everyone when we work together.

Banks charge fees when we go beyond our balance, but people should not have policies to punish each other built in as a first response.  People make mistakes (we all do... I do... it is simply part of being human), and having a "win /lose" philosophy can hurt us in the long run.  When we think "win / win" (Habit #4 in "The 7 Habits") and seek to discover long-term and mutually-beneficial solutions, then everyone finds more success over time.

Try to give a little extra.  I know it is hard when we get busy and our schedules seem over booked.  We all can lose sight of power of the greater good.  Sure not everyone you encounter will want to live in a "win / win" world, but I think most people are good at heart and will join you in your efforts once they know you are sincere.

***If you have never read "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People", it is still as powerful of a book as it was 23 years ago!  Go read it today!  I might go read it again (for the 4th time!).

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Speaking Is The New Blogging?

(This post originally appeared as a guest post on Simon Salt's Inc Slinger Blog on January 25, 2012)

Speaking Is About More Than Speaking

Simon Salt recently made a profound statement on Google+ when he said “Speaking is the new blogging”. It was only a few short years ago that seemingly everyone you met was a self proclaimed “blogger”. But what the classification meant was as varied as the number of people holding claim to the title. Now in 2012 it seems that the label of “speaker” or “conference speaker” has been added to countless LinkedIn profiles, resumes, and bios.
PR professionals work hard to get their clients onto agendas as speakers or panelists at all sorts of industry events, and open calls for presentations for meetings are often bombarded with proposals (some that fit the needs of the conference organizers, others that are just fishing expeditions). But is calling yourself a speaker and submitting proposals enough?
Speaking in public is a great way to promote your business, your cause or yourself. But just because someone is smart or has done something cool, it does not mean they belong on the stage. Presenting a blah presentation (or worse… being awful )can bring no results or even harm a reputation.

Presenting Can’t Be Faked

Presenting is a skill. Like playing golf, it is evident to all who watch if someone has experience. You cannot fake it or wing it if you wish to make a meaningful connection with the audience. A bad presentation can suck the energy out of the whole conference, which is why it is important that people who call themselves speakers and pursue the opportunity to present are dedicated to bettering their skills and serving the audience.
There is often an argument about content vs. style when selecting speakers. However, there is no reason this should be debated. I am not advocating for “fluffy” speakers who are good performers but have nothing to add to the audience. I am stating that it is not too much to want both style and content.

I am passionate about presentation skills. Every time I watch anyone give a talk I call it “Speaker’s College”. The person on stage, be it at a conference, in classroom, in church, etc…, is the professor and I am the student. It is exciting to see a person educate, inspire and connect with an audience. It is also painful to see someone bomb on the platform. In every case it is the mix of their information and their abilities to communicate that make them memorable or forgettable. Relying only on the data can be very stale, and thus it is important to work on your public speaking skills.

I have watched thousands of speakers, from the famous industry professionals to regular people in a variety of settings. I have learned from every one of them. I have also delivered over 300 “professional level” speeches over the last decade. To be a “speaker” is more than a line on your bio. I believe a “speaker” must be excited by the opportunity to present to an audience and be dedicated to serving the greater good of the conference or meeting. The necessary preparation that the audience deserves is more than just showing up to promote your business.
It is an honor to be asked to speak, and those who can cultivate an experience that advances all aspects of the meeting will be asked to speak again, and again, and again.

What do you think?

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Conference Speakers Provide More Than Presentations

(This post originally appeared on the TSNN (Trade Show Network News) Blog on January 22, 2012)

Is A Speaker More Than A Vendor

Conferences, seminars, conventions and trade shows utilize a lot of speakers. In fact, the meetings industry provides speakers with much of the work that supports their careers. This includes paid professional speakers, free industry speakers, educators and topic experts. Some get paid to speak, while others are there to promote their brand, and every one of them has a direct impact on the success of the event.

But are speakers more than just vendors?

The speakers set the tone for the whole conference. Humans are experiential beings, and when we sit with others in the audience and participate in a presentation, we have a bond with all in the room. How the speakers engage the audience before, during and after their talk cultivates the mood of the “mini-society” that is created whenever groups of people come together.

The keynotes, breakouts, workshops and the other educational aspects of the conference are the foundation of the shared experiences and how they impact the audience spills over into hallways, breaks, meals and social events. A speaker who fails to connect with the audience can suck the energy out of the room, while a surprisingly refreshing presentation can energize everything.

A speaker should never be seen a commodity who is just there to fill a slot. Their high level information combined with their speaking experience and style can have a transformational effect. I have seen event organizers who work with their speakers all along the way to make them more than talking heads on the stage, but instead a valuable part of the overall team. Many speakers are excited to provide extended value to their clients by being present for more than just their scheduled slot on the agenda.

A conference begins online months before the opening session. Speakers can get involved by joining the online communities for the event on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. ... and by creating promotional videos or other materials. Attendees enjoy establishing a more personal connection with speakers, and I have participated in pre-event webinars and written articles for blogs and newsletters that have added to a familiarity with the audience once the event begins. These same activities can hold true after the event as well.

I do not view the role of a speaker to be limited to the stage time, but instead believe that a speaker can be an important part of the planning committee. Active speakers attend a huge number of events, and their experience can be a great tool to help planners brainstorm concepts and vet other program ideas.

While celebrity speakers might not fit into this ongoing consultative role, others are ideally suited to assist and provide value all along the way.

Because the speakers can have a direct impact on the success of the event it only makes sense that they are more than a regular vendor. They should not just be talking with the organizers, but also with each other to ensure they are all on the same page and share common goals for the event. Experienced speakers can make adjustments to their program that will tie into what other speakers are saying and allow the audience experiences to build as the event continues.

The speaking business is made up of thousands of individuals, so there is not one answer to how to engage a speaker to be part of your overall team (or if they will be willing). But the more up front and deep conversations you have about the goals of your meeting, the more phenomenal ideas you will discover speakers have up their sleeves. A great speaker is more than a vendor!

What do you think?

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Seeking Speakers and Trainers

Professional Speaker and Corporate Trainer Peer Round-Table Monthly Teleconference

I am seeking professional speaker, corporate trainers, and authors who speak / train to join a monthly "peer to peer" teleconference to share best practices and ideas to grow business.

I have been hosting a similar call with a group of authors from a couple of years, but looking to add some new points of view and those with fresh experiences to the group.

THERE IS NO COST TO PARTICIPATE!  (Shocking, I know... as it seems everyone want me to subscribe to programs that include monthly fees).

I am seeking people who are natural collaborators. Those whose first thought is often "What's in it for me" will quickly weed themselves out from this group, as we are looking for those who want to help others find new ideas just as much as they seek information.  My hope is that mutually beneficial connections will be created with participants, and off-line conversations and friendships will grow from the calls.

The calls will be held on the third Monday of each month at 11:00 AM (Central Time).  

If you are interested, please contact me at thom (at) thomsinger.com.  Please use subject line "Speaker Peer Group", and tell me a little about yourself and why you are interested in participating in this call.

We are seeking those who are already active in their speaking and training endeavors, but everyone who is serious about the industry is welcome.  Participation is voluntary, but the hope is that you will make a commitment to come every month for the first several calls.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

When The "Takers" Come Asking For Favors.....

My writing  and speaking about "collaborators vs. what's in it for me" over the last few weeks has spawned several conversations, emails and the below anonymous guest blog post.

Meaningful connections are more than being a casual acquaintance, but instead come from about cultivating relationships.  This is done through actions.  People are always watching the balance in your "Emotional Bank Account" (Think Steven Covey).  When you operate in the mode of "self" it becomes your brand.

Below is a letter that was never sent, but maybe it should have been.  The author of this fictional note is remaining anonymous (by her choice and mine), but I imagine this scenario is not only real, but is played out time and time again.  The writer is a busy mom and also has a full-time job.  Her employer allows her great flexibility - including the ability to work from home or from her family's cabin on a lake.

She did not get this freedom in her career by accident.  She has an amazing reputation in her industry and is one hell of a networker.  Her employer knows they have a winner and they worked hard to make the overall package meet her needs.  She is regularly approached by people who are curious about how to land a job that allows this kind of leeway, and is always told that she is "lucky".  It is not luck that she spent 20 years building a network and professional brand!  It was an intentional set of actions.

Recently she has been approached by several people who want to tap into her network to find new jobs.  She loves to help, but is tired of the takers who line up to "get" but rarely "give".  She is always polite, but would love to hit "send" on the following email:

Dear Jennifer,

It was great to catch up with you at the 5^th grade musical last night. Your little Jimmy is very talented; I can’t believe he’ll be in middle school next year either.

And now you’re going to go back to work, too. Terrific! I can certainly understand how conflicted you are; it has been wonderful to be home with the kids these last 14 years but, on the other hand, you feel like you should work so you can put some money away for Jimmy and Johnny’s college and also to bring in extra money for yourself and the family.

It makes perfect sense to reach out to those people you know who work and who might have job leads for you, especially  the other "mommies", because we’re all the same. Sort of.

Let’s review. There were lots of school moms who carpooled with to soccer, dance, and softball. But you weren’t one of them because you didn’t want to accept responsibility for someone else’s child. There were some moms who covered my volunteer spots when I stayed home with a feverish child or had an impromptu business trip. You couldn’t because of your yoga class. There were a handful of moms thoughtful enough to ask my kids over for playdates on teacher in-service days, thinking ahead that I might have to work (even though the kids were off school). But you weren’t one of those, either. You were, however, someone who asked if we could donate a week at our lake house to the school auction.

And that was your choice. Now it’s my choice to demonstrate a reluctance to help you find a job because you have never  made any effort to be more than a casual acquaintance over the last 14 years.

Again, I want you to find a job. A good job. One with a short commute, convenient hours and that you find fulfilling. But, I have to give you a hard dose of reality and tell you that I’m not going to help you find a job because, although I’ve enjoyed our chit-chat conversations, I’ve received nothing from our relationship to indicate that it’s mutually beneficial. What goes around comes around, sister.

Love,

Your acquaintance Stephanie

What do you think?  Should an email like this be sent?  Do you know someone who should receive it?  Have you had people who never help you in your times of need show up and ask for favors?  What goes around does come around!

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

What's In It For Me?

"Seek those whose first reaction is collaboration, not those whose first reaction is 'what's in it for me'" - Thom Singer

A Facebook status update by a friend of mine about "mistakes along the way" (in business and personal life) produced a lot of comments.  Most of them were supportive of how great he is as a businessman and a person, and that his mistakes were minor, forgiven or forgotten.

I know this friend through a national organization and we do not live in the same city, thus I do not know him well.  I am personally aware that he is a "giver" who is fast to volunteer and always willing to share a tip, a suggestion or a helping hand.  I think the reason he received so much praise from those who knew him well is that he is a collaborator.  Collaborators are special souls and for this they are loved.

We live in a time when too many people ignore the wants and needs of others and instantly wonder about their own loss or gain in every situation.  "What's in it for me" is top of mind.  Skepticism rules and memories of how others have served are short.  People are cautious to the point that we are missing opportunities.  Many "step over $100 bills to pick up pennies".  Few are slow to anger and fast to forgive (with many taking the opposite path).

Another problem is that we often (I do this, too) jump to assumptions about what is going on in the minds of others.  We expect negative actions and dream up wild imaginary scenarios that creates adversaries.  There is too little looking for win / win.

However, nearly everyone thinks they are the collaborators and that the other people are the problem.  Thus we have the great disconnect.  Thoughts and actions are out of sync.  Nobody wants to be an ass (okay, nobody is the wrong choice of words, because clearly some do enjoy being the jerk).  Few people wake up with the hopes of being self-centered and internally focused, so why does it happen so often?

When people are involved, there is always room for mis-understandings. It gets ugly when one is sure in their soul they have no fault.  It is interesting to watch people react ... as the ones who live by "what's in it for me" will instantly find the fault in others without ever admitting they could have behaved differently.  Fingers are pointed, they gossip to mutual friends, there is belief that they are intentionally being take advantage, and they are 100% sure the other side is at fault.  Collaborators, on the other hand, will ask, "could I have done something differently" and never assume that they are free of blame.  Collaborators are fast to accept partial responsibility and they seek win / win solutions over the long run.

While nobody is always one way or the other... there are patterns.

What do you think? (and thanks for reading the whole post!)

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Repairing A Business Relationship

In March of 2006 I wrote this post:

"How do you repair a business relationship that has gotten off to a bad start, or has been damaged?"


The question had come to me in an email from a reader of this blog and I did my best to share some observations and advice.

Over the years I have seen in my analytic reports that several people stumble upon my blog with a search on a related topic to repairing a damaged relationship.  As humans are prone to make mistakes, this topic can be one of concern.... and clearly one that comes up often.

I too have had experiences with bruised feelings and broken connections.  Sometimes these are a result of my stumbles (I am happy to admit if I screw up), and other situations have been because of the other person's actions.  Most of the time it is likely a two way street and a result of a breakdown in communication.  

Although I try to lead by example in my interactions with people, I am always reminded that whenever you have interactions with other human beings... the other people have their own point of view, opinions, and their own "stuff".  We can never fully know the "back-story" of the other people, and that is why it is best to give people the benefit of the doubt and be slow to anger and fast to forgive.  

Forgiveness is tough for those who think the world is out to get them or whose first reaction is "what's in it for me".  Those who think that people want to take advantage of them are more likely to hold grudges and want to punish others.  

I had a situation this week with a person I only know online.  I failed to follow up with them and he let me know he was angry, and asked me to never contact him again.  I genuinely felt bad, and through an exchange of emails he offered the chance to start over.  I had pegged him as one who lead with collaboration, and I was pleased to find his quick path to forgiveness.  Now the burden is on me to advance the relationship so that we can really "know" each other (as online links do not give enough foundation to carry one over a stumbling block), and I must be careful not to drop the ball again anytime soon (all people will drop the ball from time to time, it is just not doing it again too soon!).  If you find forgiveness, you must cherish it, as it is a gift that is not often given!

I am happy about the online dis-connect with this gentleman (well, I am not "happy", but for me it has worked out okay), as it ties directly into my efforts to be "better" in 2012.  By facing my own shortcomings and mistakes this year I am learning (maybe growing?).  We live in a busy world where many of us cannot keep up with everything.  This wont change, as I think it will just get crazier over the next few years.  Being aware of the fall out that can occur is paramount to not making the same mistakes over and over again. 

This is why friendships matter in business relationships.  If you really care about someone you will be more prone to want to fix a situation before it gets out of hand.  When we only know someone via a social media site there is little on which to hold a mutual understanding.  Pride gets in the way and then there is little we can do to get back to a mutually beneficial relationship.

When communication breaks down then their is a vacuum of assumptions that fill the void.  The key to avoiding conflict is better communication.  If the relationships is hurt, then it can often take a willingness on both sides to get to a resolution.  If one person is too angry or otherwise hurt, then there is little that can be done to finding a place to restart, rebuild, or reconnect. 

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Don't Just Be Social - Be Relevant

I asked a question at a social media conference and was awarded the prize of a T-Shirt.  The shirt boasts the saying; "Don't Just Be Social - Be Relevant".  (There is no other branding on the shirt, so I cannot give a better attribution of this quote).

Every time I wear this shirt people stop me and make comments.  It resonates with those who are heavy users of social media, and those who are not.  There has been so much attention put on Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter, Google+ and other online communities over the past few years, but much of the usage is just noise.

I belong to several LinkedIn Groups and "like" dozens of Facebook pages, but few are relevant.  Many of the people I follow on Twitter are not providing me with any sense of wonder or inspiration.  I know that I am just more clutter in return to some of those who follow me, too.

We have had this bombardment of "social media" for several years, and there is constant talk about how to make it impact the bottom line.  The skeptics are getting louder, and people are still confused.  Social media and mobile communications are here to stay, but there is not magic answers on how to transform these platforms into business for the company's bottom line.

I work in the meetings industry.  There was a lot of trepidation over the last few years that all the online activity could undermine the face-to-face meeting business.  That coupled with limited budgets in a tough economy caused many to predict the demise of conferences.  But just because the tools we use to communicate have changed (and are still changing), it does not mean that who we are as people has changed.  Humans are experiential beings and we desire the live interactions with others.  Meetings matter and will continue.

The meetings industry, like most businesses, has heavily adopted the use of technology, and every planner desires ways to create a sticky online community that keeps their attendees engaged in with their conference long after the event is over. However, they need more than just a Facebook page to make it relevant.  This can only be achieved if the content and conversations are unique and personal.

For all of us there will continue to be more questions than answers for the short term.  I suggest we remember that when we deal with people (online or in person), that other person has their own "stuff" going on in the background.  That does not change in a virtual environment.  We cannot assume to know their back story without building a real relationship. To be relevant we must be personal.

Speaker Sekou Andrews says "Take me off your Rolodex and put me on your calendar".  He is right.  I got a LinkedIn request from a stranger the other day and before accepting the link I asked for a short phone call.  It was delightful.  It was not a blind click of "accept", but instead a connection to a real person, who is a career minded grandmother who has lived an interesting life beyond what it said on her profile.

Say it with me.... "Don't just be social - Be relevant".

What does relevant mean to you?

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Entrepreneurs Must Be Selling

If you run the business, you must be always be selling.  This means selling the products or services, selling the brand of the company, selling the power of your team, and selling yourself.  The organization's future relies on sales, as without revenue there eventually will be no business.  Even if you receive financial funding to launch, when there is no income the cash will run out.  The cash burn rate will eventually go to zero if there are no sales.

No matter the size of the company there must be a sales focus. There are no shortcuts or magic marketing strategies that will cause the phone to ring.  Having an clear approach toward the value of a sales process will be a constant reminder that new and repeat clients matter.

For some entrepreneurs who do not have a sales or marketing background, the process of client acquisition can seem like the black arts of running the business.  Websites, advertising, apps, and hoping for a miracle are not successful strategies to create future success.  If the entrepreneur is not confident in their ability to sell, they will need  to make a strategic hire early in the process of growing their company.  This person's individual characteristics will vary depending on the industry, as sales professionals are not necessarily a commodity. Experience and industry contacts can be vital to achieve short term sales. Additionally the sales leader and the entrepreneur must establish a good personal relationship, as they will be working very closely.

Those leaders with a sales background are often way out front in discovering prospects and driving revenue.  They still cannot do it alone, as selling is a full time job and the entrepreneur has too many other responsibilities that can be at odds with the demands of developing clients. The primary function the sales person is to educate prospective clients and shepherd leads from prospective clients into paying customers.  The sales cycle depends on the type of product or service, but if the process was easy then anyone could do it.

The reality is that everyone is not cut out for a career in sales. Great sales professionals are well paid as their success at delivering new business is paramount to the sustainability and growth of a company.  It takes tenacity and the ability to handle rejection.  An understanding of human nature, communications skills, and empathy to the needs of others are all common traits.  Not every possible customer will buy in a timely fashion (or at all).  Sales is about cultivating a pipeline of prospects that are qualified to buy and managing their questions and objections while giving them the confidence to select you as the best solution for their needs while at the same time generating new leads at the top of the pipeline.

If the entrepreneur is not leading the sales effort he or she should be championing those in the organization who are driving revenue.   Companies that lead with sales will often see faster growth than those who push their revenue generation priorities to the sidelines.  Tracking the entire process, from lead generation, to movement through the pipeline, to the final sale must be constantly monitored by the entrepreneur.  It is very easy for the hopes of a company to be put on a few prospects, but if they do not pan out there must be an understanding of what else is in play.

The days of "if you build a better mousetrap the world will beat a path to your door" are long gone.  There are plenty of examples of great products that did not sell and companies that failed where they should have had success.  There is a lot of noise out there and customers are skeptical of anything new.  You need sales if you want your company to be around tomorrow.

Now go sell something.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

(**Photo taken from the Facebook page of Scott Ginsberg)

Personal Branding and Networking Are Important

I was interviewed about the power of networking at conferences and building a personal network.  This interview as filmed by the IMTS-TV crew at their GMFC event last fall.  Here is the video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lvFKl4sghr4&feature=youtu.be



Have A Great Day

thom singer