Contemplate the World -- But Don't Expect Easy Answers

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #18)

Outside on a beautiful day working at a coffee shop can bring all sorts of serendipity.  A random exchange with a stranger lead to an hour discussion about "taking back your life".  You never know what power comes from saying "hello" and where the conversation will take you.

The topic of "re-invention" is a popular one.  My new friend had just turned 50 and was is clearly a seeker of additional meaning in his life.  In Austin, Texas you can meet any variety of characters, and Richard was no exception.  Richard is a banker who no longer liked the world of high finance and he was taking a break to imagine his future.  

He had given the last three decades to others, his bosses, parents, wife and kids, etc....   He was quick to share that he hardly remembers his own purpose of self.  He is not unhappy, or confused, but he knows that his time on earth is limited and he does not want to waste the second half.

I can relate. I understand the need to find yourself again from time to time. My own life is full of questions as there is a desire to have more fun and achieve more success in my business.  I want to try new activities (thus the 108 story "Sky Jump" off the Stratosphere in Las Vegas), but not looking to start over (I love my family and career).

Contemplating your life is an important ongoing step.  Go on a retreat or sit on the banks of a lake and ponder the world.  Ask yourself who you would be in a your perfect scenario and weigh that against the reality of your life.  You cannot always have what you want, and disappointments are common, but if you do not know what success looks like, you will miss it time and time again.

Next you have to have a goal.  Without a goal you will drift.  Goals makes it easy to move forward when tough choices appear (simply ask: "Which action brings me closer to my goals?").  Create a plan for how to improve you situation and break it down to the smallest of actions needed.  Baby steps still move you forward.

Richard and I shared a moment of mutual understanding, but we came up with no answers.  He joked that it was good to know that being "seeker" is about the journey, not necessarily the destination.  I pointed him to my other writings on this topic and my podcast.  I even offered to have him as a guest on my show when he is ready to share his story.

Staring out at the lake is peaceful, but does not always bring the answers I desire.  I wish living a life's journey was easier, but it is complicated.  

If you read this and feel you connect with this meandering message.... reach out and let me know.  I think it is better to know you are not alone on the path.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Don't Settle For Mediocre

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #17)

Don't live for mediocrity.  Find creative ways to expect awesome and make them happen.

Recently someone told me their organization could not afford awesome, so they would make decisions based on price and are happy with meeting budget constraints.  Their association wanted to proved "Good Enough" to their members.  It sounded so wrong... but we all do it.  Money is a real constraint, but we forget that there are often other solutions than what we first see.

I have done this (settled for "good enough"). Heck, I will do it again.  But I am now more conscious of finding creative ways to get what I want in all situations.  This sometimes costs more money, but often it just takes discovering alternative options.

The older I get the less patience there seems to be in my soul for "settling" for mediocre experiences.  I am working to raise the bar of what I expect from myself, and this is not easy.  At 50 years old there seems to be a lot of habits formed, and many opinions that I have wedged in my brain.  To take re-invent myself I have to be diligent and constantly reassessing my actions and beliefs.

Where is mediocre living in your world.  Be honest with yourself and look to see if you can tweak how you behave and see if you cannot move the bar closer to awesome.  It is not magic, but it can happen with intention.  

Commit to seeing the areas where you are not living up to your highest potential.  Be honest with yourself and don't let your past shortcomings make you sad.  They are what they are.  It is what you do today and in the future that matters now.  

No change can come without honestly identifying your current place in the world.  Too often in my own life I have rationalized my failures and continued to live in the same routines.  This only produces similar results.  When I have taken the biggest leaps are when I see the dumb-shit things I have done and work to not do those again.  

Have A Great Day

thom singer

It is never too late to re-invent

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #17)

A recent conversation with someone in their early 60s got me thinking about this series on starting fresh.  They cautioned me about counseling people in their age range to "re-invent".  I got the impression he felt that ship had sailed, or at least that life was much more challenging than I could understand from my under 50 perspective.  This person made me wonder if idea of my encouraging re-launching was doomed in failure.

Then I had coffee with a woman who was of the same generation as the other person.  She was clear that it was time to re-invent.  She had a track-record of starting over and had never been shy in situations that were difficult.  She was one of the first women engineering students at Columbia University in the 1970s and has lead an interesting and fulfilling life having worked in several industries.  She was confident that you can choose your own path at any age.  

When it comes to a re-launch I am reminded of the words of Henry Ford: 

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”

When I look at my own father, who lived to be 99 years old, I often think his happiest days were in the last 3rd of his life.  Granted he did not re-invent a career at this point, as he retired at age 65, but he did have to restart his life after being widowed at age 70.  He stayed very active, made new friends, traveled, and continued to follow the stock market and politics will into his twilight years.  Had he wanted to work in a new vocation I believe he could have done that, too.  I know many people in their later years who work (by choice) that are still productive and excited to contribute.

As I approach the big 5-0 I am confident that the best years of my life are in front of me.  There is no reason my career and personal life cannot be more fun and highly rewarding.  Using my dad as a marker, I might only be half way to the end of my journey.  Even if I only have twenty or thirty years, that is still a long time, and I refuse to live my life coasting along toward the end zone.

The point is that you just have to be realistic about your time on this earth.  No matter how old you are at this point, you have no idea when it will all come to a stop.  This is not meant to be morbid, but instead to get you clear on the reality that living is about one day at a time.  If you want to try something new and different that deviates from you previous path, take the steps to make the change.  Live in fully in the present and behave in the manner that brings you closer to your new best self.

Does this sound to "new age"?  It is not intended to be fluffy or "woo-woo".  I am confident that people can change their paths and create new lives at any age.  It is not easy, and it takes a lot of effort, time, and focus.  I know first hand how easy it is to slip back into old routines and not settle into being a rut.  But I refuse to concede that we ever get too old to take ownership of our own future.

It is never too late to re-invent.  Who do you want to be when you grow up?

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Don't Be Average - Be The Best You Can Be

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #16)

If you want to make a change, be committed to being the best you can. Do not settle for being average.

Recently I interviewed fitness expert Greg Barth on "The Cool Things Entrepreneurs Do Podcast".  At age 40 Greg transformed his fitness and life.  In the conversation he said he got tired of being average, and made the decision to be the best he could be when it came to his health.  He lost 25 pounds and became a fitness trainer, inspiring others to get healthy.

This dedication translated to all areas of his life.  Greg now is achieving more in his personal and professional life.  He is building a business, being a great dad, and reaching the highest levels of personal performance.

His words about not settling for average behavior have lingered in my mind.  I have many areas where I have allowed myself to be comfortable with my actions, as they are good enough.  But am I pushing myself to live at my highest levels?  No.

If you are seeking ways to re-invent and re-launch, doing so with 100% commitment to being the best YOU that you can be is paramount to success.  You cannot let average satisfy your soul.  Fitness, diet, relationships, business, recreation, etc... can be average or extraordinary.  The difference rests in our mindset.

Reading this you might be thinking these are great ideas, but how do I put them into action?  This will be easy from some people and more difficult for others.  The key to unlocking your commitment to excellence is in observations, review and actions.  If you are not paying attention to and considering your efforts, then you cannot improve.  It is hard to question yourself constantly, as sometimes you will not like the answers.  But measuring and assessing your progress is the path to self-improvement.

Realizing that it wont happen all at once, and that I will fail at points along the journey (and that is okay) has helped me move forward on my own growth.  But this new dedication to not allow average to be enough is motivating me to keep going.

Good Luck.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Re-invention is a Lonely Journey

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #15)

When you want to make changes in your life and re-invent yourself there is a lot of time spent examining the mistakes you have made along the way.  If you are honest, these blunders can be painful to think about.  However, at the same time there is a freeing feeling in the work of self-improvement. 

Most of us do not spend much time thinking about our flaws, but we all have areas where we come up short.  The hardest part of embracing change and seeking ways to start fresh in your behaviors, habits, thoughts and actions is that once you peel back the curtain, there may be more areas where you have fallen short than you are prepared to embrace.

Early in my efforts to re-invent myself I was excited.  There was a sense of pride in the mistakes I have made as they were a sign of being human.  We all fail and I was cocky about my willingness to look at my faults.  But the more accustomed I got to admitting my weaknesses, the more prevalent they became.

It bummed me out.  Life has been fairly good and I had always self-identified as someone who had his shit together and made good choices.  Sure, I knew I wasn’t perfect, but I had viewed myself as a fairly decent fellow.  While my faults are not huge character blunders or morally offensive, the things I can improve became numerous.  This was both scary and sad. It made me question many things, including the wisdom of tackling a re-invention.

Several times I have said that re-invention and re-launching is not for the faint of heart. This is proving to be more true than I had imagined.  One has to be prepared for the emotional heartache that can come with working on improving how you live your life.  The reality of your faults can be hard to carry, and the reactions or indifference of the people around you can be hurtful.  You want to celebrate the small wins, but others do not care.  Society expects huge change or your entire efforts are suspect.

My biggest lesson from trying to implement change in my life is that re-invention is lonely.  Many of the highs and lows of working to discover how to be a better person are witnessed in solitude.  You want others to be with you, but they are not always present, even when nearby. 

Some people get nervous about your efforts because it makes them see their own life being stuck in limbo, and they are not ready to face their own issues.  There are people who find their own self-importance in your flaws, and you erasing those can cause them to lose their own identity.  Others are too busy doing their own thing to notice what is happening in your life.  

Finding people who will support in your journey is not easy.  I recommend it, but they are not easy to identify.  If you want to make changes, be ready to face much of the burden alone.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Self-Improvement Is Not Easy, But Can Set You Free

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #14)

Reinventing is not for the faint of heart.  Once you are focused on the areas to improve, and you become aware of owning your mistakes, more flaws seem to appear.  Sometimes I think it would be easier to just live in denial and not work on creating a better self.

People are subtle. They do not bluntly show their disapproval of others. However, if you are paying attention, you will hear from others who you fail.  When you are open to self-awareness you are going to discover that you say and do things that do not always bring pleasure to co-workers, clients, family members, friends, etc...  It can be surprising how often we are selfish, say the wrong thing, are not tuned into the feelings of others, and react negatively to all sorts of issues.

It can be painful to become conscious of how you are not living up to your full potential and your personal views of your own being.  But it can also be great to find your short-comings.  It is important to realize that these negative areas (or failures) are not unique to you.  Everyone has faults and it is common for people to have areas that need to be fixed in their life.  If we think others are perfect (or at least close to perfect), then our own issues become a painful burden.  

This is why I spent much of my life ignoring my mistakes.  It was too hard to admit I missed the mark at in my professional and personal life.  Yet these days I find it fun to find a new way to improve.  If I am honest with myself, it is just part of the journey to fail, but the key for my re-launching of myself is that I have to learn from the past errors and not repeat them (or at least not repeat them too often).

This takes time.  Declaring a new direction does not make it happen.  Recreating patterns takes a massive commitment and repeated actions. Self Improvement is never easy, but it is both fun and freeing.  Understanding that you are a work in progress makes the weight of mistakes much lighter, and knowing you are not repeating the bad things can create a sense of anticipation for the future.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Diligence Is Key To Re-invention

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #13)

When seeking to re-invent yourself you have to be diligent in your transformational work. Life gets busy and we can easily fall into our old patterns.  Simply declaring change does not make it real.  You have to take consistent actions.

I am working on this in my own life.  I am trying to get past my previous short comings and learn from my mistakes, but it is hard to get away from the scripts that we have lived by in the past, and the expectations that others have for us.  When my schedule become crazy-busy I can see myself not living up to the plans for self-improvement.

Change can be lonely.  Those around us are either indifferent, unaware, or secretly skeptical of our efforts.  This is where personal spirituality can be important.  Regardless of if you are religious, many identify as "spiritual", and this can be key.  Your higher-power or connection to nature can be very helpful in these times of doubt and struggle in your re-invention.

Meditation, prayer, or quiet time in a peaceful place on a regular basis will help you get in touch with your own motivation for the new directions you seek.  Remind yourself of the reason you want to re-launch and assess your progress often. 

Journaling is an activity that seems to be cathartic.  I am not one to do this regularly, but this blog and my podcast fill this role.  Getting your thoughts and goals on paper or recorded can help you view them as tangible.

Schedule time to review your progress.  If you slip back into your former self and are not calendared to take stock of your changes then too much time can pass before you realize you are off your path.  A weekly appointment with your self is a great way to take stock of how you are doing.  More often might be better.

Being diligent is something I struggle with in my own journey.  I am often taking two steps forward and one step back.  The good news is that still means I am making progress.  

As I approach my 50th birthday I am feeling the need for proof that my life is improving and that I am living a more impactful existence. I know how isolating this can be, which is why I invite other pilgrims on a similar journey to reach out to me and share your own story.  If you email me, I will write you back (thom at thomsinger.com).  I am confident that when we know others share our desires, it makes it easier to go for it.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Be A Resource and Help Others Succeed

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #12)

In an effort to re-start your journey, it is a good idea to be a resource and to help others who are trying to find their own success.  Being self-focused with your time might seem like the best way to achieve the fast path to your new career or life, but often the opposite is true.  Those who put their own needs in front of everything and everyone else tend to be the most frustrated.

Zig Ziglar said "you can have everything you want in life if you just help others get what they want".  And he was right.  Those who are givers tend to get more than they ever imagined.  Over time the more I actively worked to promote others, the more people came out of the wood work and did things to help me grow my business.  Sometimes it was the people I helped, but more often it was someone else.  The real givers are tired of takers, so they are always watching and observing who they can assist that is a proven giver.

Our social media crazy world has led to a society of narcissistic behaviors, and it often appears that those getting all the attention, opportunities, money, and success are the most avid promoters of personal interests.  While this might seem true, we do not always get to see the whole picture.  Those who are really finding the highest levels of success; professionally, personally, and spiritually are the people not just in it for their own victories.  While some people are selfish jerks, my experience is the real winners are often the first to help others, often before they reach the top of their own mountains.

It can be hard to get past the obsession with self when you are working to grow a career and build a life.  But serving others takes a lot less time than you think.  Sometimes it is as simple as a few kind words that make another person feel they are significant in their work.  In less than six seconds you can make another person's whole day brighter by complimenting their work and telling others about their efforts.  

If your social media stream is only information about you, your business, and promoting things that are personal for your success, then you can rest assured that this is how you are most likely living your life.  Take the time to re-tweet others, promote their cause, and you will find yourself receiving more help in your own journey.

Be a resource to others, and you will find you are not alone in your own path.  People want to do business with people they know, like and trust.  The fastest way to being known is to help them with what is most important to them. Like and trust will come along, but getting noticed is best done by serving others. 

Additionally, when you are having a rough day in your own business, it feels good to help another person succeed in theirs.  It takes so little to share your spotlight with others by promoting them.  And the by-product is they might just promote you in return (and we all want that).

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Failure Is Part of the Journey

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #11)

The world is ready for you to start fresh.  But are you?  Some people get scared of failure, and thus they fail to take the actions needed to start the process to re-invent.  Change is possible, but it might come with some mistakes made along the way.

In fact you can count on stumbles. The most successful people I know have all blown it on occasion.  But they did not define themselves by the mistakes, instead they got up and tried again (and again, and again, etc...)

My advice is to not be scared of failing.  Expect it and embrace the bumbles as learning experiences.  As I review the past 6+ years of working for myself I experienced some great business successes, but I have also flubbed up more times than I care to admit. Yet without saying or doing the wrong things from time to time I could not learn how to behave in successful ways that will bring me to the next level.

Failure is part of the journey.  I have some entrepreneur friends who will sit around over a glass of wine and talk about their biggest bombs.  While it is hard to tell your friends where you came up short, once you say it out loud it is no longer haunting you in your soul. Having a safe nest of friends who will not only listen but help you find the lessons in screwing up can be a great way to double the knowledge you can gain (from your failures and theirs).

When was the last time you made a big blunder?  Have you buried it away or have you learned from it?  Does it cause shame or pride when you think about it?  I challenge you to move the mistake to the pride column (as long as you have made the adjustments necessary not to repeat it).

Honestly, this is easier said than done, as our society is full of those who are judgmental and who seek to make less of those who fail.  Get away from these thoughts and seek out stories of those who failed along the way toward success.  Harvey Mackay (one of my favorite business writers) wrote a New York Times Best Selling book in 2004 called "We Got Fired...and it's the best thing that ever happened to us".  In this book he profiled some awesome examples of success and highlighted the failures that had occurred that led them to later being ready to achieve.  Muhammad Ali, Bill Belichick, Michael Bloomberg, Lou Holtz, Larry King, Joe Torre, Jesse Ventura, and others are all profiled in the book.  

Get over yourself and realize that we all are human.  

Wanna talk about failure?  Email me anytime.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Be Brave When Starting New

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #10)

Re-inventing your career and life takes courage.  There are so many stumbling blocks that can undermine confidence when we recreate our livelihoods that many get sent back to their comfort zones and never even attempt the thing they desire.  

Be brave.

Bravery is necessary to push forward in the face of the unknown, and throughout human history we have seen great advancements achieved by those who took risk and did not let fear undermine their journey.  My maternal grandfather took his four younger siblings from Ireland to America after his parents died.  He was 16 years old.  I think of his voyage sometimes and cannot comprehend what he must have felt to be in charge of relocating a family that included a four year old sister.  I am sure it was overwhelming, and yet he made it and they all grew up and created their lives in America.  

Fear of what bad things might happen can paralyze you and keep you from taking the steps necessary to move toward your goals.  While thinking about the downside and pitfalls is important (you do not want to be surprised by real problems that pop up along the way), they are not where you should focus your attention.  Place your attention on the best case of all realistic outcomes and work toward reaching that target.

When you board a plane in Los Angeles headed for Honolulu you want your pilot to be thinking about landing safely in Hawaii.  While many things can go wrong (and being prepared for emergencies is important for the flight crew), they manage the trip with the best possible outcome in mind: a safe landing at the destination.

If you are leaving a career and pursuing a new vocation, it can be hard to gain the knowledge, and even harder to develop the skills necessary to earn a living.  Do not let "hard" stop you from going for your dreams.  Have faith in yourself and then work diligently through all the ups and downs.  

When you make a decision, push forward and bravely take action.  Letting trepidation ooze into your field of vision will make you tentative.  It is the decisive who reach the top of a mountain. Just do it. 

This does not mean to be brave in the face of facts that tell of a lost cause.  Sometimes you have to change course or walk away.  You must always be realistic about the situation at hand, but do not let your imagination or the chance of failure knock the foundation of success out from under you before you even get going.

I have not always been as brave as I should have been and that leaves me feeling sad.  When I look at the very few regrets I have in my life it is never the things I tried for (and failed) that cause disappointmen.  It is the times that I was not brave and did not even try to achieve my dreams that makes me feeling small.  

Trying and failing is a good thing, but not trying to achieve what your heart desires is the biggest mistake one can make.  I say "go for it", and be brave.  Make smart choices, and adjust course if you must.  To swing and miss is better than to forever say "what if".

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Leveling Up Your Life

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #9)

Similar to "re-invention", there is a lot of talk lately about "Leveling Up".  This term is tossed around often by advice gurus, but it rarely is accompanied by useful tips on "how to" raise up your game to a higher level.  While some people do not want to totally re-launch their life, you might find yourself seeking to perform your current life with more precision and focus.  So what does it mean to "Level Up"?

From what I understand the term originates in the video gaming would.  As one plays a game and improves their skills and accomplish tasks, the player moves to a higher level.  This "leveling up" increases the difficulties of the game, but also brings more respect from the advanced abilities that go with the new level.  Oh, and the game if more fun to play at higher levels.

In the game of life, we hear the suggestion that people need to "level up", but I am not sure that most really understand what that means. On several podcasts I listen to the suggestion of "Leveling Up" is being tossed around, and it makes it sound like a magical experience that just happens.  Are we missing the part from our gaming friends where it takes experience and skill (and increases the ongoing difficulties of day to day life)?  

Also, is it more fun to play life at higher levels?  Hmmm... I think yes!!!

I searched on line for advice on "how to level up" and saw many articles that gave ridiculous suggestions:  

• Take more photographs
• Fly a kite
• Swing on a playground
• Enroll in a fencing class
• Chase butterflies
• Smile
• Stretch
• Etc...

What?  How does chasing butterflies really make a difference in living a better life?  I understand the concept of getting out of the daily rut, but not sure that is really the missing link to greatness. 

One article suggested "Have more sex" as a key to leveling up.  Sounds great, but not sure that alone makes you more effective or successful in life. Just watch half the reality shows on TV and you will find a bunch of losers who get laid regularly.

I write this post on my birthday, and next year I will turn the big 5-0.  This does not bother me, as my father was over fifty when I was born, so I do not see this number as "old".  But as with many, birthdays are milestones, and I want to be on top of my game as I enter the second half of life (hey, my dad lived to be 99-years-old).

I think to being achieving at a higher level you have to be aware of what it is you seek to accomplish.  One has to make a formal declaration that they want to make improvements.  Creating specific goals that are achievable is the first step.  If you do not know what you are seeking, you will never be able to get there.  Change will not happen by accident.

Then you have to seek out the knowledge you will need to play at the next level.  Reading, listening to podcasts, taking classes and finding mentors are just some ways that you can expand your current situation.  Knowledge is power, and too often people make assumptions about what their goal is about, but never do the research.  To level up you have to live a life of curiosity.  Ask questions like a 5 year old.  Accept nothing, and always be learning.

This whole thing takes time.  You cannot just make jumps in life.  Patience and perseverance will be your best friends in the attempt to "up your game".

Finally, you have to start taking actions that lead you toward your goal.  The best advice comes from Dr Steven Covey in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People".  He said "Begin With The End in Mind".  When you know what success looks like, you can reverse engineer the steps to get you there.

Do not just toss around the term "Leveling Up".... do it.  I am currently looking to do this in my own life, but I know I cannot do it alone.  If you have found ways to grow and expand, share what has worked for you along your path.

Have A Great Day.

Thom Singer

Learn to Listen

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #8)

There are always clues on how to find success, if you listen.  This can be difficult for some people to do, especially when they are going through changes in their career. Most of us create the vision of what we want to accomplish in a re-invention, and often this is done with little research or understanding of the industry we want to enter.

Over time the marketplace will show you what it is willing to pay (be it a product, service, or even hiring you for a job), and no amount of wishing and hoping can change the reality.  If you have an idea for a business and nobody will give you money, it will fail.  To get to the answers you seek, you need to listen to people who are experienced in the field.  The ideas of others, while sometimes flawed, might be just what you need to spark your own brilliance.

Some people will give you direct feedback, others may be less forthcoming.  Watching and learning from others who have gone down a similar path is another way to gather information.  And then there is the gossip that takes place behind your back (which always has a way of finding its way to your ears).  No matter how you attain the knowledge, you must not get angry over critical feedback.  The ones who point out the pitfalls and areas you may come up short are providing you with valuable insights.  Nobody is perfect, and to bury your head in the sand and not see your own mistakes will hurt your chances for success.

Of course not all advice is good advice.  Some people are happy to share their opinions (oh heck, most people are willing to share their opinions), even if they have no legitimate experience or insight to a useful point of view.  Others get their own joy from bringing negative news to you or undermining your enthusiasm. Discerning whose input will be helpful and who can cause harm is an important skill.  But either way you are better off when you listen to everyone.

I have struggled with this, as I am one who has a lot of ideas, hopes and dreams. I have jumped to many conclusions in my day, and while often right, I am probably off target the same amount! Yet the more I listen to others, the more I learn and grow my own career.  I have worked hard at improving this skill over the past year, and it has paid off.  New ideas, new product offerings, new clients, new friends, and new experiences have all appeared from my efforts to be a better listener. 

• When the negative people say your dreams can't happen, listen (but do not take them as the final authority, find a way to prove them wrong).  

• When a client makes a suggestion, listen (it might be them giving you a clue on how to sell to them more services).  

• When a competitor points our your weakness, listen (they might have shown you how to improve).  

• When you get praise, listen (but don't let it go to your head).  

• When a friend gossips about you or others, listen (and learn not to trust their confidence).

Always hear what others have to say, and do not get defensive if it is harsh.  Let people have their point of view, and then figure out what you can garner from their words that will make you better.  If they are way off base, let it got.  But if there is a nugget of truth in what they say, take actions to grow and improve.

If you are seeking to re-invent and re-launch your life you cannot do it alone in a vacuum.  Those around you can help you change directly and indirectly if you are tuned into their observations. 

Learning to listen to others can be difficult, as we all have an ego that makes us feel we have the power and understanding over our own situations.  But when you accept that hearing different points of view is how you expand your own, then you will seek out the opinions of others.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

**Artwork by my nephew: Artist Bobby Singer

Change Takes A Long Time

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #7)

If you are serious about making changes in your life, you have to be clear that this is more than a public declaration.  Transformation is not something that happens with the wave of a magic wand or a statement of intention.  Change happens via a series of ongoing actions over a long period of time.

Intention is not action, and only actions can lead you to launching a new you.

There are disagreements on how long it takes to create a behavioral change.  Many authors and motivational guru's proclaim that it takes 21 days to turn an action into a habit, but I have read recently that scientists who study habits say there is no set number of days involved.  Each person is different.  One article on said it can vary from 18 days to 254 days to form a habit.  This means it is not the calendar, but resilience of the commitment that matters.

If you are serious about implementing change in your life and career, you have to be dedicated over the long run to your metamorphosis.  Understanding that there are no quick-fix programs or other fairy dust will make the process more enjoyable and help keep you focused.

As I have mentioned in other articles in this series, one of the hardest parts to re-invention is getting others to recognize and acknowledge your changes.  I do not think others want you to change, even for the better.  We live in a world where fast judgments rule the psyche. Once someone has assigned a label to another it is hard to get them to pay attention.  To change their perception means admitting they were wrong, and nobody like to be wrong.  Additionally, people are often jealous of the achievements of those around them, and this causes them to seek ways to undermine your progress (even if just in their own head).  The only thing that will overcome how others see you is the passage of time and your consistency to the new path you are forging.

Accept that change takes a long time, and work hard to keep your efforts alive as you march toward your new goals.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Communicate Your Changes To Others and Yourself

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #6)

A hard part of change is how you present yourself and how you and others respond to your planned adjustments.  Early in life we develop a self image that we present to the world, and it becomes a very complicated to implement a re-invention when there is a transformation of self.

Not only will other people not accept "the new you", you may not either.  A comfort zone by definition is comfortable.  To become different means work, and you will find resistance all around you. Others will often reject your efforts as it makes them uncomfortable, especially if they see your changing as somehow threatening.  This can be a matter of making them feel insecure about their own lack of achievements, and nobody wants to feel inferior.  

It is said you can store live lobsters in an open topped box.  When one lobster begins to crawl out of the container the others will use their claws to pull it back in.  Sound familiar?  It happens with humans, too.  Make an attempt to better your situation and those around you will attempt to hold you back.  Be prepared for some in your life not to be as supportive as you would have imagined.

Yet the biggest obstacle in your path might be yourself.  Many of us self sabotage our own growth.  A critical inner-voice will challenge you, making you question if you are really worthy of the new life you seek, and your subconscious can take you back to old routines fairly easily.  I find this with diet and exercise, as I intend to make good food choices, but after the second piece of cake I realize that I was not paying attention to my new routines, and acted from my old paradigms.

Sometimes we fear the unknown, and thus it is easier to stay put in our current situation.  We may say one thing out loud as to what we want, but the change we desire can also be scary.  Much like we cannot let the other people stop our progress, we cannot let fear paralyze us.  Face it and be honest about what is scary about the life tweaks you are undertaking.  

Transformation means being vigilant to the process and being sure you are regularly communicating your changes to yourself and others.  Do not allow distractions from the outside or the inside to hold you back.  The rewards of the new life should surpass the discomfort of the process, and you need to remember this as you develop a new self identification.

If you make a mistake, do not beat yourself up.  Instead get back on the track and keep trying.  Others may say "see, they are not changing", but if you know that you are making progress, don't let the naysayers get you down.  Have a positive attitude and know your motivation as to why you are making these shifts.  

Over communicate the details of your journey with others and yourself.  Change takes time, and nothing will speak louder than your actions.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Get Rid of Useless Stuff

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #5)

Over time we often accumulate a lot of stuff.  Some things we own are important, valuable, and have sentimental ties.  There are many items that are used often or are saved for a specific purpose However, if you are like me, over a lifetime it seems we collect a lot of crap.

My ongoing experience is showing me that to re-invent I need to regularly purge my stored "stuff".  I am not advocating living as a minimalist, although I will admit that I admire those who can let go of so much and live with a realistic view of their needs. Our society has placed such an over-emphasis on material things that it has become so hard for people to throw things away or donate them to others.

The truth is I am good with this concept of cleaning out the clutter in theory, but I am not good at it in practice.  I am not a hoarder, but I do have a lot of junk that I do not use or need. There is not much I possess that has generational family sentimental value, and I doubt my kids would ever want any of the things that are placed on my closet shelves.  When my parents passed away and my brothers and I sorted through their items, we found little that we needed to save.  

Stuff can hold us back and clog our storage space.  This is true of closets and our minds.  The more often that I go and throw out physical items, the more I seem to let go of mental road blocks.  My closet is a perfect metaphor for my brain, as the more I can eliminate from the shelves, the more attention I can place on the things I have decided to keep.  

While my progress is slow, I do have an occasional ritual where I set a timer for 15 minutes and purge items from my drawers, closets, and other storage areas.  I place belongings in the trash or create a donation pile for Goodwill.  This is a hard task, as for some reason I want to hold on to clothing or other things that trigger memories.  Throwing away items is hard, but in an effort to move forward and continue to learn, grown and change, looking backwards is not congruent with my goals.

If you want to re-invent and re-launch your life, sometimes you have to make a fresh start.  Let go of the past, and make room for new stuff and experiences that you will encounter in the future. 

Purge the excess and live in the now. Get rid of useless stuff.  We don't need nearly as many trinkets as we have been lead to believe.  There is freedom in tossing out the old stuff.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Read, Listen, Learn, and Understand New Information..... Everyday

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #4)

Re-invention is not easy.  You cannot rely on your past knowledge and habits to take you in a new direction.  To re-launch in a new direction you must become an avid learner of the new career or lifestyle that you seek to conquer.   

Often people make assumptions about their new life, and make decisions based on what they feel and think.  This is often a recipe for failure. To undertake major change without an understanding of reality will mean more mistakes.  

Devote time to learning as much as you can about a new career, industry, etc...  Do this in advance of making the leap, but also everyday until you have become the master of that universe.  Then remind yourself to never stop learning.  Read books and articles, listen to podcast, take classes, practice new talents, and talk with people who have achieved the level of expertise you seek. Always be seeking new knowledge.

Never before in history have we had such access to information.  The internet has put everything we could ever want to learn at our fingertips.  Plus we now have a direct way to contact people who are living the lives we desire.  And still many fail to take advantage of the ease of learning and making key connections.

Sites like Coursera have put college classes, taught by professors at the top universities, online and free of charge.  I have taken several Coursera classes, and they are an awesome way to access top academic educational ideas and theories.  You need not be enrolled at Harvard to participate in a class taught by one of their professors, and they will challenge you to think bigger.  

Additionally, there are podcasts on any topic you can imagine.  With a smart phone and access to iTunes and Stitcher you can turn time in your car or at your gym into an education session.  Everything under the sun is discussed on podcasts, and while not all of them are awesome, there are many that will change your life if you listen regularly to the advice and the stories that are shared.

Interviewing experts is also a fantastic way to learn.  My own podcast, "Cool Things Entrepreneurs Do", was born out of my desire to learn more about life as entrepreneur and to be inspired by people who are living in entrepreneurial ways.  I was told that if you interview 50 people, you will never be the same again. This was great advice, and now after 73 interviews I can assure you that asking smart people to share their experiences is a fast way to learn, grow and become inspired.

If you are serious about a fresh start (at any age) you must become a dedicated student.  Those who will succeed at talking their life in a new direction will be those who are learning everyday.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Find A Mentor

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #3)

If you want to reinvent your life and discover success in new ways, find a mentor (or mentors) who will show you the paths toward success.  

Too often we look at career and life options and think their is only one way to achieve success.  However, in many industries and business disciplines there are several options that will lead people to their goals.  What we see from the outside looking in is often different from what those who are doing it experience on a day to day basis.

The world of professional speaking is a good example.  What most people think is the life of a speaker is very different than the realities. It can look fun and glamorous, and while there are many perks, people miss that it is a lot of work to grow a career as a paid presenter.  Most observe a speaker on stage during their talk or in the few minutes before they head back to the airport.  All the preparation, research, rehearsal, travel, travel delays, and lonely nights away from family are not understood.  When I first changed directions to become a full time speaker I had already spent countless hours building friendships with those who were working speakers. I had found serveral who were willing to mentor me along the way, and their guidance was paramount to my future. They showed me the realities of the industry, and that made it much easier to grow my own career.

A mentor / mentee relationship can be many things.  It can be a formal arrangement or a causal friendship.  The mentor can be a peer or a more experienced professional.  The key is to be able to learn from what your teacher has experienced in the past and to take those lessons into account to shorten your learning curve.

I have heard of some who claim their mentors are historical figures or industry legends whom they have never met.  They create ongoing conversations in their minds with Abe Lincoln, Henry Ford, or Martin Luther King. The key is that they are seeking the advice in the writings and reputations of their heros and getting guidance from them (in albeit an unorthodox manner).

There are many ways to find a mentor, but you have to be looking for the right person.  It can take time, and not everyone who is successful is the right choice. The old saying is "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear".   The first step is identifying someone, but then making sure the other person is willing can be just as hard.  Making the ask can be scary as people fear rejection and do not know how to describe what they are seeking.  Additionally many potential mentors do not know what is involved in such a role, and they are often trepidation about the time commitment and responsibility.  

Yet when it is right, it is right.  It is not just the mentee that learns and grows from the relationship, but also the mentor.  Experience alone is not how we teach others, so having a positive connection and an ongoing give and take makes the situation "win/win" for all involved.

Many people advertise and charge money to "mentor", but I believe a real mentor is not seeking financial compensation.  Executive Coaching is not the same as being a mentor.  Coaching is very task oriented and often based on a time-limit (set by the length of the financial agreement) while mentorship is based on the relationship and is open-ended in regards to time, based on the mutually agreed upon skills development.  The key is to not mix up the two.

I am not saying coaching is a bad thing, I have worked with coaches who have helped me overcome several career road-blocks, but the best mentors are there for the long-haul and transcend into meaningful friendships.

If you are looking to make a change, it is important that you find others who have "been there and done that", as otherwise you are going into your new world with blinders on.  It is easy to make assumptions without experience, but those who have lived the life you desire know what is true.  

Good luck, as finding a good mentor will have un-matched influence on your success.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Surround Yourself With Great People

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #2)

If you want to change your life, surround yourself with people who are living the life you desire.  Jim Rohn famously said "You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with".  Think about that and look around at how your peers choose to spend their time.  It is your future.

Recently I was chatting by phone with an person who wants to have a career as a professional speaker.  I asked her "How many speaker friends do you have?"  She had no reply.  After a few seconds she asked "Do you count?" (we were are not yet really "friends", as we just met).  I am unclear how anyone can enter a new industry or lifestyle without knowing people who are living in that arena.

It can be difficult to make new friends as we get older.  For Generation X or the Baby Boomers it might seem like they have all their friends in place for life.  Yet people will come and go from your life at all stages if you are open to sharing your world with others, you can find the right people.

Early in life we have school, clubs, sports and other formal and informal activities that bring us together with new people.  Relationships are forged through shared experiences, but in today's hyper busy world we tend to be isolated quite often.  Thus to make new friends you must put in a serious effort.

To find create new connections you first must act like a friend.  What do friends do?  They care.  They listen.  They put the other person first. They make sacrifices.  Etc....  In real life we often behave in opposite ways to those we do not know, thus making it even harder to get to create friendships.  

It is like dating; all parties must be committed to moving it forward if you want anything lasting and meaningful to occur.

Join organizations, and get involved.  If you can't find the right organization, start your own group.  Try getting people together for coffee or drinks on a regular basis. It has never been easier to reach people with shared interests.  But realize that meeting someone once does not make them part of your network.  Meeting them once makes them somebody you have met once.  There is a big difference between a single encounter and a long-term and mutually beneficial relationship.  Be patient and work to understand the motivations and needs of others, in addition to your own.

Remember, not everyone you want to make part of your inner circle will want to be your friend.  That is okay.  There are plenty of great people in the world, and you can find the right tribe with effort and patience. 

Additionally, there are times when friendships come to an end.  While sad, it is not uncommon and should not create excess drama.  You cannot make people be part of your world, so happily enjoy the memories and then surround yourself with the people who have come to share the next chapters of your life.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Don't Worry About What Others Think

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #1)

As the members of "Generation X" hit the big 4-0 and big 5-0, the time has come for us to take charge of our lives.  We were educated by the baby boomers and those who came before to expect a world that changed.  The reality of today is different than what we went to school to learn.  If we allow the expectations of others to hold us back from forging our own paths now, we may not get another chance.  

Now is the mid-point of life for Gen X.  This generation that was thought to be slackers are proving to be cunning entrepreneurs who make things happen. Those who are finding the most success are not worried about what others think, and instead are taking action.  

Those of us in this generation that is sandwiched between the Boomers and Millennials do not get the same amount of press coverage as those on either side, but we don't care.  We just do stuff and make things happen.

If you want to get a fresh start in your life or career at this middle age you cannot be worried about what other people think.  Very often we place our identities in our our job titles or other outside labels that are assigned by those around us.  You are a doctor, lawyer, husband, mother, etc....  Your past actions are what the world assumes your now is all about.  But in our hearts many of us know we are ready to re-launch.

None of us are any one single thing, and if we want to make a change in our life in our 40s or 50s we cannot be hung up on conclusions that other people have jumped.

It is easy to get caught in a role that begins to feel like a ever deepening hole. We wonder if we are too old to do something new. If you are seeking a fresh start that gets you closer to your real self, then you cannot be stuck in your past.  

Clearly your relationships with those closest to you matter as do their feelings.  But outside your family and closest friends, why in the world should you care how outsiders judge you?  We are being judged all the time and it does not matter one bit.

When I launched out on my own as a speaker many of my "friends" discussed how they thought I would fail in my quest.  While I might have failed (happily I have not), the journey of trying was the important thing to me.  I had longed to start my own business for many years, and if I had not done it at age 42, I am certain regret would have always been present.    

Hearing what others thought about my goals, especially those who secretly gossiped negative opinions (oh yes, if you say something bad about another person, even in confidence, rest assured they will hear of your sharp tongue) could have derailed the whole thing and sent me looking for a regular job.  But I did not care.  The time had come to own my dream.  My wife and kids were supportive, and that was all that mattered.

There will always be naysayers, and this stops many people from ever trying to go for a re-invention.  The time is now for Generation X to drop any assumptions, labels, and limits.  Today is about a fresh start.

Have A Great Day

thom singer