Friday, May 25, 2007

Not Everyone Will Like You, It's Okay!

While sharing some positive thoughts about a person to a small group of people, I had someone pull me aside and say; "Just so you know, he does not say such kind things about you!".

I was a little shocked that a person would tell me "hey, this person you think is a friend, is not so much". I think the informer was shocked when I replied "that's okay, not everyone has to like me". It is true...not everyone we meet will like us, and that is not a problem.

I got the sense that she was trying to stir up trouble. I can think of no other reason she would tell me such a thing. She and I had never met before, so it was not as if she is an friend who was watching my back, and I was not claiming the other person as my best friend (I know him well, but not that well). I was just making a complimentary comment when his name was brought up in conversation.

If you are actively involved in business, you will encounter many people. Everyone has their own agenda and personal history. Many people are fast to judge others. Far too many like to gossip or try to belittle the success of people around them. That is just life. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make every person you meet search for ways to find mutually beneficial connections....but it just doesn't work that way. People are human, and that leads to lots of less than ideal situations and interactions.

I still say nice things about the guy who disses me. I am not going to change my ways to mirror his negativity. I try to do the right thing by others everyday. Sometimes I come up short (way short! Perfection is just not me). Yet I get out of bed and try again tomorrow. I can't worry about someone who does not like how I go about my business, as long as I am working hard and ethically.

How about you? Have you ever encountered a situation like this? Did it eat you up inside? I used to get upset when I was not liked. Now I know it is just part of life. I suggest you do two things:

1. Take a good look at your relationship with the other person. Could there be a misunderstanding or have you taken actions that negatively impacted this person? If yes, then be proactive and try to make the situation right. Meeting with them and apologizing can have a strong impact on the future.

2. If you honestly did nothing wrong, then just realize that the other party has issues that you cannot change. Now forget about it. Only speak well of them, or say nothing at all. Do not find yourself bad-mouthing someone will tell them (like the random lady who decided to tell me!) and you will end up looking worse.

Have A Great Day.



Steve Harper said...

Interesting post as I just had something similar happen to me. It still amazes me how people can be so focused on knocking others down a peg whether through gossip, hear say or by just being plain mean. For me and some of the people whom I (used) to associate is like a game; as if there are actual points given for the shear amount of bad news, bad talk and bad Ju Ju they give you.

Either way, anyone who wants to relate the status of a relationship that they aren't specifially in need to get a life and realize that all they are wasting is effort and air.

Great post and great reminders for us all.

Ripple On!!!


Anonymous said...


I had this problem today, someone I don't even know randomly came out and said that they didn't like me. In the past I'd get quiet upset about it, but my friends have tried to reassure me that no, not everyone will like me. It's sort of weird for me because I try my best to get along with everyone....but it's alot like how you said. Not everyone will like me, for whatever reasons, and I just have to deal with it in a positive way. It's not the end of the world if one person dislikes me.

I just wanted to say, thanks for posting this, made me feel alot better!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for posting this;

Yesterday a close friend told me her close friend and a friend of mine that is nice to my face does in fact dislike me and chose to discuss me in a negative way to her.

The person that doesn't like me is obviously in a different position in his life to me; I work everyday at becoming a better person and finding ways to be tolerative and friendly with all people, he obviously wants to create drama, and good for him that his life is empty enough to require the need to do such.

Some people don't get on, their lifes are empty and they feel the interesting drama that comes along with a enemy exciting, sadly most of us have stress in life that is far easier to cope with without people being so immature. The best thing to do is to not allow that person to know you are affected my their behaviour, they matter so little to your life, smile at them when you see them, be a bigger person.

Sadly the close friend of mine that allowed somebody to talk negatively of me is the person I am the most disappointed with, as a friend of both of us she should have taken the initiative to tell him to grow up and that no matter what he said her opinion of me will never be changed. She however did not. Sad

Anonymous said...

I've recently had someone accuse me of doing something that is so out of character for me, that I marvel at that person's sanity. Yet they are convinced as if it were fact. I can only 'reason' that this person had a bad experience in the past, and is 'projecting' the fallout from that experience onto me. Or, they are just mentally ill (paranoid, perhaps). This is a shame, because we have friends in common, and now situations where we might otherwise all be together are impossible. I tried to defend myself, not sure why I need to, but that only offended this person further. What do you do when someone makes up something so strange and accuses you of something that has nothing to do with you? And we're talking mature adults here. My friends realize the accusations are unfounded, yet they continue to socialize with my accuser. Because of my discomfort, I have stayed away from social events, left to wonder if everyone is sitting around bad-mouthing me for something that never happened. It has made me feel isolated and lonely.

m.c. said...


Thanks for this. Good wisdom.

Anonymous said...

I know this girl, we're not really close but we hang out with the same group of friends.
On one occasion, she was being extremely rude to me, leaving me out of conversations and making me feel like the odd one out. I instantly got the feeling that she disliked me. I felt so upset and thought ' what is wrong with me? what did i do wrong?'
I realise now, that i'm the type of person who tries to please everyone i meet, and that just isn't realistic.
So good point here, that not everyone will like you in life.

Liz said...

Thanks for writing this article. Well said and good advice.

B.r.B. said...

Those who voice their "I don't like a person" opinions behind somebody's back must realize that their statements will always be sent back to the person (directly or indirectly) that they are talking bad about. Remember that the one who behaves poorly, gossips, or is petty is the one who looks bad. Best advice is to just keep quite and be polite if you do not like another person.