Cool Things My Friends Do (Week #131) - Beth Ziesenis and Nerd Know-How

Each week on this blog I enjoy highlighting some of the cool things my friends do in their personal and professional lives.

Beth Ziesenis released her new book - "Nerd Know-How: the 27 Best Apps for Work and How to Use Them".

Beth is an awesome friend and a fellow speaker.  She has that "givers heart" that we all aspire to, but few attain. She is fast to refer friends to her clients, and always talks up people's talents.  That is why it is great to have her as week #131 on "Cool Things My Friends Do".  (She was also featured on week #124 when she ran a KickStarter Campaign to fund the production of this book).

Beth is known professionally as "Your Nerdy Best Friend" and she delivers talks to associations and others about the coolest apps on the market today for business. As a technology expert she presents all over the country about the best free and bargain apps and online resources that will help you Release YOUR Inner Nerd to become more organized, efficient and awesome at work and home.

Check out her book, and find out more at YourNerdyBestFriend.com

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Cool Things My Friends Do (Week #130): Jason Kotecki - Penguins Can't Fly

Each week on this blog I enjoy highlighting some of the cool things my friends do in their personal and professional lives.

Today my friend Jason Kotecki's releases his new book: Penguins Can't Fly: +39 Other Rules That Don't Exist.  That is always a cool thing, and I am excited to feature him on week #130 of "Cool Things My Friends Do".

Life is supposed to be fun. We knew this instinctively as kids, but somehow forgot on the way to adulthood. We got busy and overwhelmed, started valuing things that don't matter, and learned to follow the rules that don't even exist:

• hate mondays
• only celebrate when the calendar gives you permission
• don't make a mess
• don't play hooky
• hide your weirdness
• hide your wrinkles
• care what other people think

Following these so-called rules is a terrific way to stress you out, sap your energy, and ensure a boring life. But there's a better way. In his enlightening book, author and artist Jason Kotecki uncovers some of the most useless rules so you can shift perspective and start seeing the world with wonder once again.

Jason says: It's time to stop living by someone else's rules. Your life is a story, and a short one at that. Make it a good one.

Jason Kotecki is an artist, speaker and author of several books,

Besides making art that inspires and delights people all over the world, Jason is an engaging professional speaker. He empowers organizations and individuals to restore balance, prevent burnout, and achieve new levels of productivity and innovation with real-world strategies that tap into the timeless wisdom of childhood.

Jason and his wife, Kim (a former kindergarten teacher), are the dynamic duo behind Escape Adulthood and founders of the Cure Adultitis Institute. In their crusade to annihilate Adultitis, they inspire and encourage people to design lives with less stress and more fun.

Jason is a Batman fan, Star Wars watcher, retro t-shirt wearer, avid eater of sugar-laden cereal, and father of three kids. He lives with his family in picturesque Madison, Wisconsin, where they enjoy long walks by the lake and eat way too many cheese curds.

Learn more at EscapeAdulthood.com

Jason was also a recent guest on my podcast "Cool Things Entrepreneurs Do" (Episode #80).

Have A Great Day

thom singer

National Convention: Hang with hometown friends or meet new people?

National association conferences are a great way to build industry contacts.  I attend many of these events (as a member, speaker, or master of ceremonies), and I have a pet peeve:  Local chapter meet-ups while at the national conference.

Why fly all the way across the country to attend an event and then sit with or have a private dinner with people from your own city?  This is common at association conventions, and often a waste of time and it undermines the potential ROI you can get from the event  While yes, having good local relationships matters, there are other places you can cultivate those relationships.  

On "dinner on your own night" people gather their local chapter pals and go off to a restaurant to dine.  Or during the awards lunch they populate a table with their friends from home.  This is so common it is almost an epidemic. 

When I gripe about this practice I hear the mantra; "It is the only time we can get together".  Ummm, no.  The convention is the only time you can meet people from all over the world who are present.  There are other times in your own city you can meet up with your local peeps.  It is a choice.    

Life is all about choices and words such as "only time" are neither true nor helpful.  It gives people the excuse to not network with others, and makes many feel obligated to attend.  Some say it helps bond their friendships with local colleagues, but if that was really a priority you could make it happen several times a year.  Yes, yes, everyone is "busy".... but lately the word busy has become the accepted hall pass to justify any behavior.  Ask yourself, is the "busy" label real or an excuse?

I recently talked about this from stage at a conference.  Several people came up and said "Thank You", as they feel obligated to go to dinner when their chapter president makes the invite.  They do not want to appear rude, so they go along with the crowd.  Others did not like my rant, as they said they are more introverted and don't want to meet new people.  OKAY... that is real.  And acceptable.  If this is the reason, say it out loud and let those who want to mingle be free to go elsewhere.

I am a long-time member of the National Speakers Association.  My friends from the Austin Chapter always organize a night out together at the annual convention. I always say "No", and tell them why (this point of view gets re-stated each year).  Many of my local friends have a different opinion, and I respect their right to go dine together (and they accept my going off with others).  I am only at this convention once a year, and each night's activities are a chance to establish connections with people from outside my hometown.

What do you think?

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Be Brave When Starting New

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #10)

Re-inventing your career and life takes courage.  There are so many stumbling blocks that can undermine confidence when we recreate our livelihoods that many get sent back to their comfort zones and never even attempt the thing they desire.  

Be brave.

Bravery is necessary to push forward in the face of the unknown, and throughout human history we have seen great advancements achieved by those who took risk and did not let fear undermine their journey.  My maternal grandfather took his four younger siblings from Ireland to America after his parents died.  He was 16 years old.  I think of his voyage sometimes and cannot comprehend what he must have felt to be in charge of relocating a family that included a four year old sister.  I am sure it was overwhelming, and yet he made it and they all grew up and created their lives in America.  

Fear of what bad things might happen can paralyze you and keep you from taking the steps necessary to move toward your goals.  While thinking about the downside and pitfalls is important (you do not want to be surprised by real problems that pop up along the way), they are not where you should focus your attention.  Place your attention on the best case of all realistic outcomes and work toward reaching that target.

When you board a plane in Los Angeles headed for Honolulu you want your pilot to be thinking about landing safely in Hawaii.  While many things can go wrong (and being prepared for emergencies is important for the flight crew), they manage the trip with the best possible outcome in mind: a safe landing at the destination.

If you are leaving a career and pursuing a new vocation, it can be hard to gain the knowledge, and even harder to develop the skills necessary to earn a living.  Do not let "hard" stop you from going for your dreams.  Have faith in yourself and then work diligently through all the ups and downs.  

When you make a decision, push forward and bravely take action.  Letting trepidation ooze into your field of vision will make you tentative.  It is the decisive who reach the top of a mountain. Just do it. 

This does not mean to be brave in the face of facts that tell of a lost cause.  Sometimes you have to change course or walk away.  You must always be realistic about the situation at hand, but do not let your imagination or the chance of failure knock the foundation of success out from under you before you even get going.

I have not always been as brave as I should have been and that leaves me feeling sad.  When I look at the very few regrets I have in my life it is never the things I tried for (and failed) that cause disappointmen.  It is the times that I was not brave and did not even try to achieve my dreams that makes me feeling small.  

Trying and failing is a good thing, but not trying to achieve what your heart desires is the biggest mistake one can make.  I say "go for it", and be brave.  Make smart choices, and adjust course if you must.  To swing and miss is better than to forever say "what if".

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Cool Things My Friends Do (Week #129) - Mike Domitrz on Dateline NBC

Each week on this blog I enjoy highlighting some of the cool things my friends do in their personal and professional lives.

This Sunday my friend Mike Domitrz will be featured on Dateline NBC.  Mike is the founder of "The Date Safe Project" and an expert on tough topics and real solutions around consent, bystander intervention and respect.  Mike will be be part of a segment called "My Kid Would Never Do That", and if you are a parent, you do not want to miss this episode.

The situation goes like this:  Teens are at a party where alcohol is present. Suddenly, the situation is about to get worse. Your child is at the party and sees the situation about to explode in a way that could hurt another person at the party. What would your child do? Would they respond the way you raised them to? 

Tune in this Sunday, June 14th, 2015, (8:00 pm Eastern / 7pm Central) on Dateline NBC's "My Kid Would Never Do That" with real-life party scenes and hidden cameras exposing the reality of what happens. You might be surprised what actions teens choose to take. By the end, Mike will help both parents and kids be better prepared for these scary realities facing teens today. 

Learn much more (including 3 Tips you can get NOW) at http://dateline.datesafeproject.org/

Congrats to Mike.  He is a great friend and someone who I have learned so much from over the last few years. I am happy to have him featured on "Cool Things My Friends Do" week #129.  

Have A Great Day

Thom Singer

Cool Things My Friends Do (Week #128) - Rory Vaden's TEDx Talk

Each week on this blog I enjoy highlighting some of the cool things my friends do in their personal and professional lives.

My first "Cool Things My Friends Do" blog post (in March 2012) was about a friend who did a TEDx Talk.  That one post has now spurred 128 posts about things people I know are doing to make the world say "wow".

My friend Rory Vaden just released the link to his TEDx Talk from TEDx Douglasville.  

Everything you know about time-management is wrong. In this challenging and counter-intuitive video, Self-Discipline Strategist and New York Times bestselling author Rory Vaden, shows you why you can’t solve today’s time-management challenges with yesterday’s time-management strategies. More importantly he explains why procrastinating on purpose is the key to being able to Multiply your time.

I have known Rory for six years, and I am happy to feature him on week #128 of "Cool Things My Friends Do" (he was mentioned last summer on CTMFD #111 - as he was part of the group receiving the Certified Speaking Professional (CSP) designation with from the National Speakers Association in June 2014).

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Leveling Up Your Life

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #9)

Similar to "re-invention", there is a lot of talk lately about "Leveling Up".  This term is tossed around often by advice gurus, but it rarely is accompanied by useful tips on "how to" raise up your game to a higher level.  While some people do not want to totally re-launch their life, you might find yourself seeking to perform your current life with more precision and focus.  So what does it mean to "Level Up"?

From what I understand the term originates in the video gaming would.  As one plays a game and improves their skills and accomplish tasks, the player moves to a higher level.  This "leveling up" increases the difficulties of the game, but also brings more respect from the advanced abilities that go with the new level.  Oh, and the game if more fun to play at higher levels.

In the game of life, we hear the suggestion that people need to "level up", but I am not sure that most really understand what that means. On several podcasts I listen to the suggestion of "Leveling Up" is being tossed around, and it makes it sound like a magical experience that just happens.  Are we missing the part from our gaming friends where it takes experience and skill (and increases the ongoing difficulties of day to day life)?  

Also, is it more fun to play life at higher levels?  Hmmm... I think yes!!!

I searched on line for advice on "how to level up" and saw many articles that gave ridiculous suggestions:  

• Take more photographs
• Fly a kite
• Swing on a playground
• Enroll in a fencing class
• Chase butterflies
• Smile
• Stretch
• Etc...

What?  How does chasing butterflies really make a difference in living a better life?  I understand the concept of getting out of the daily rut, but not sure that is really the missing link to greatness. 

One article suggested "Have more sex" as a key to leveling up.  Sounds great, but not sure that alone makes you more effective or successful in life. Just watch half the reality shows on TV and you will find a bunch of losers who get laid regularly.

I write this post on my birthday, and next year I will turn the big 5-0.  This does not bother me, as my father was over fifty when I was born, so I do not see this number as "old".  But as with many, birthdays are milestones, and I want to be on top of my game as I enter the second half of life (hey, my dad lived to be 99-years-old).

I think to being achieving at a higher level you have to be aware of what it is you seek to accomplish.  One has to make a formal declaration that they want to make improvements.  Creating specific goals that are achievable is the first step.  If you do not know what you are seeking, you will never be able to get there.  Change will not happen by accident.

Then you have to seek out the knowledge you will need to play at the next level.  Reading, listening to podcasts, taking classes and finding mentors are just some ways that you can expand your current situation.  Knowledge is power, and too often people make assumptions about what their goal is about, but never do the research.  To level up you have to live a life of curiosity.  Ask questions like a 5 year old.  Accept nothing, and always be learning.

This whole thing takes time.  You cannot just make jumps in life.  Patience and perseverance will be your best friends in the attempt to "up your game".

Finally, you have to start taking actions that lead you toward your goal.  The best advice comes from Dr Steven Covey in his book "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People".  He said "Begin With The End in Mind".  When you know what success looks like, you can reverse engineer the steps to get you there.

Do not just toss around the term "Leveling Up".... do it.  I am currently looking to do this in my own life, but I know I cannot do it alone.  If you have found ways to grow and expand, share what has worked for you along your path.

Have A Great Day.

Thom Singer

10 Tips for High School Graduates

This week my oldest daughter, my only niece and two nephews all graduate from high school.  Wow, that is a big week for our family.  It has caused me to look back to my own graduation from high school 31 years ago.  Wow, time files.  I do not think 31 years ago I had a clue, but it has been a good journey.

Along the way I have made good choices and some not as good choices.  I have failed to be my best self on occasion, but I have also done some things right.  When I look at what is important I am very clear that what matters most is relationships.  All opportunities come from people, and how we treat others makes a difference on their lives and our own.  It is not about our intentions, but instead about our actions.

I woke up today (the day of my own kid's graduation) and I was wondering what advice I could share with Jackie, Summer, Scott and Bobby (not that 18-year-olds want advice from their dad or uncle).  They did not ask for this advice, and the list is not 100% comprehensive, but I believe anyone who consistently does this will find more success and happiness as they live out their time on this planet.

Here are the ten things I suggest.  They wont do them all the time, as I didn't either, but I share the ideas just the same.  Life is a long journey, and I have found that even the best advice may take a lifetime to learn, understand and implement.

Ten Tips for High School Graduates

1. Have consistency of self: personally, professionally and spiritually.
2. Be slow to anger and fast to forgive.
3. Treat everyone with respect and be nice to those you encounter.
4. Take an interest in what matters and is important to others.
5. Find solutions, do not just point out problems.
6. Do not gossip or say bad stuff about others.
7. Have fun, and help the people around you have more fun.
8. Say "Thank You" to those who help you or otherwise have an impact on your life.
9. Celebrate the success of friends and colleagues (don't let envy or jealousy hold you back).
10. Bounce back quickly from mistakes, stumbles, and failures (forgive yourself).
11. Always deliver more than you promised.

The legendary Zig Ziglar said it best:

"You can have everything in life you want if you just help enough other people get what they want"

Congratulations to the graduates of the Class of 2015, especially these four amazing people who I love and respect so much.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Cool Things My Friends Do - Week #127. Judson Laipply in Delta Safety Video

Each week on this blog I enjoy highlighting some of the cool things my friends do in their personal and professional lives.

My friend Judson Laipply (you all know him as the creator of one of the first YouTube viral videos: "The Evolution of Dance" with over 292 million views) shows up in this new Delta Airlines online safety video.  

The premise of the video is they utilize a ton on YouTube sensations as the actors in the video.  It is fun, and your favorite cats, goats, bumbling beauty queens, and dancing Judsons all have cameos.



I am happy to share this with you and to have Judson as week #127 of Cool Things My Friends Do.  I have known Judson for several years and he is one of the nicest people you will ever encounter (and a great inspirational speaker, in addition to having all the dance moves).

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Learn to Listen

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #8)

There are always clues on how to find success, if you listen.  This can be difficult for some people to do, especially when they are going through changes in their career. Most of us create the vision of what we want to accomplish in a re-invention, and often this is done with little research or understanding of the industry we want to enter.

Over time the marketplace will show you what it is willing to pay (be it a product, service, or even hiring you for a job), and no amount of wishing and hoping can change the reality.  If you have an idea for a business and nobody will give you money, it will fail.  To get to the answers you seek, you need to listen to people who are experienced in the field.  The ideas of others, while sometimes flawed, might be just what you need to spark your own brilliance.

Some people will give you direct feedback, others may be less forthcoming.  Watching and learning from others who have gone down a similar path is another way to gather information.  And then there is the gossip that takes place behind your back (which always has a way of finding its way to your ears).  No matter how you attain the knowledge, you must not get angry over critical feedback.  The ones who point out the pitfalls and areas you may come up short are providing you with valuable insights.  Nobody is perfect, and to bury your head in the sand and not see your own mistakes will hurt your chances for success.

Of course not all advice is good advice.  Some people are happy to share their opinions (oh heck, most people are willing to share their opinions), even if they have no legitimate experience or insight to a useful point of view.  Others get their own joy from bringing negative news to you or undermining your enthusiasm. Discerning whose input will be helpful and who can cause harm is an important skill.  But either way you are better off when you listen to everyone.

I have struggled with this, as I am one who has a lot of ideas, hopes and dreams. I have jumped to many conclusions in my day, and while often right, I am probably off target the same amount! Yet the more I listen to others, the more I learn and grow my own career.  I have worked hard at improving this skill over the past year, and it has paid off.  New ideas, new product offerings, new clients, new friends, and new experiences have all appeared from my efforts to be a better listener. 

• When the negative people say your dreams can't happen, listen (but do not take them as the final authority, find a way to prove them wrong).  

• When a client makes a suggestion, listen (it might be them giving you a clue on how to sell to them more services).  

• When a competitor points our your weakness, listen (they might have shown you how to improve).  

• When you get praise, listen (but don't let it go to your head).  

• When a friend gossips about you or others, listen (and learn not to trust their confidence).

Always hear what others have to say, and do not get defensive if it is harsh.  Let people have their point of view, and then figure out what you can garner from their words that will make you better.  If they are way off base, let it got.  But if there is a nugget of truth in what they say, take actions to grow and improve.

If you are seeking to re-invent and re-launch your life you cannot do it alone in a vacuum.  Those around you can help you change directly and indirectly if you are tuned into their observations. 

Learning to listen to others can be difficult, as we all have an ego that makes us feel we have the power and understanding over our own situations.  But when you accept that hearing different points of view is how you expand your own, then you will seek out the opinions of others.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

**Artwork by my nephew: Artist Bobby Singer

Change Takes A Long Time

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #7)

If you are serious about making changes in your life, you have to be clear that this is more than a public declaration.  Transformation is not something that happens with the wave of a magic wand or a statement of intention.  Change happens via a series of ongoing actions over a long period of time.

Intention is not action, and only actions can lead you to launching a new you.

There are disagreements on how long it takes to create a behavioral change.  Many authors and motivational guru's proclaim that it takes 21 days to turn an action into a habit, but I have read recently that scientists who study habits say there is no set number of days involved.  Each person is different.  One article on said it can vary from 18 days to 254 days to form a habit.  This means it is not the calendar, but resilience of the commitment that matters.

If you are serious about implementing change in your life and career, you have to be dedicated over the long run to your metamorphosis.  Understanding that there are no quick-fix programs or other fairy dust will make the process more enjoyable and help keep you focused.

As I have mentioned in other articles in this series, one of the hardest parts to re-invention is getting others to recognize and acknowledge your changes.  I do not think others want you to change, even for the better.  We live in a world where fast judgments rule the psyche. Once someone has assigned a label to another it is hard to get them to pay attention.  To change their perception means admitting they were wrong, and nobody like to be wrong.  Additionally, people are often jealous of the achievements of those around them, and this causes them to seek ways to undermine your progress (even if just in their own head).  The only thing that will overcome how others see you is the passage of time and your consistency to the new path you are forging.

Accept that change takes a long time, and work hard to keep your efforts alive as you march toward your new goals.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Communicate Your Changes To Others and Yourself

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #6)

A hard part of change is how you present yourself and how you and others respond to your planned adjustments.  Early in life we develop a self image that we present to the world, and it becomes a very complicated to implement a re-invention when there is a transformation of self.

Not only will other people not accept "the new you", you may not either.  A comfort zone by definition is comfortable.  To become different means work, and you will find resistance all around you. Others will often reject your efforts as it makes them uncomfortable, especially if they see your changing as somehow threatening.  This can be a matter of making them feel insecure about their own lack of achievements, and nobody wants to feel inferior.  

It is said you can store live lobsters in an open topped box.  When one lobster begins to crawl out of the container the others will use their claws to pull it back in.  Sound familiar?  It happens with humans, too.  Make an attempt to better your situation and those around you will attempt to hold you back.  Be prepared for some in your life not to be as supportive as you would have imagined.

Yet the biggest obstacle in your path might be yourself.  Many of us self sabotage our own growth.  A critical inner-voice will challenge you, making you question if you are really worthy of the new life you seek, and your subconscious can take you back to old routines fairly easily.  I find this with diet and exercise, as I intend to make good food choices, but after the second piece of cake I realize that I was not paying attention to my new routines, and acted from my old paradigms.

Sometimes we fear the unknown, and thus it is easier to stay put in our current situation.  We may say one thing out loud as to what we want, but the change we desire can also be scary.  Much like we cannot let the other people stop our progress, we cannot let fear paralyze us.  Face it and be honest about what is scary about the life tweaks you are undertaking.  

Transformation means being vigilant to the process and being sure you are regularly communicating your changes to yourself and others.  Do not allow distractions from the outside or the inside to hold you back.  The rewards of the new life should surpass the discomfort of the process, and you need to remember this as you develop a new self identification.

If you make a mistake, do not beat yourself up.  Instead get back on the track and keep trying.  Others may say "see, they are not changing", but if you know that you are making progress, don't let the naysayers get you down.  Have a positive attitude and know your motivation as to why you are making these shifts.  

Over communicate the details of your journey with others and yourself.  Change takes time, and nothing will speak louder than your actions.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Get Rid of Useless Stuff

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #5)

Over time we often accumulate a lot of stuff.  Some things we own are important, valuable, and have sentimental ties.  There are many items that are used often or are saved for a specific purpose However, if you are like me, over a lifetime it seems we collect a lot of crap.

My ongoing experience is showing me that to re-invent I need to regularly purge my stored "stuff".  I am not advocating living as a minimalist, although I will admit that I admire those who can let go of so much and live with a realistic view of their needs. Our society has placed such an over-emphasis on material things that it has become so hard for people to throw things away or donate them to others.

The truth is I am good with this concept of cleaning out the clutter in theory, but I am not good at it in practice.  I am not a hoarder, but I do have a lot of junk that I do not use or need. There is not much I possess that has generational family sentimental value, and I doubt my kids would ever want any of the things that are placed on my closet shelves.  When my parents passed away and my brothers and I sorted through their items, we found little that we needed to save.  

Stuff can hold us back and clog our storage space.  This is true of closets and our minds.  The more often that I go and throw out physical items, the more I seem to let go of mental road blocks.  My closet is a perfect metaphor for my brain, as the more I can eliminate from the shelves, the more attention I can place on the things I have decided to keep.  

While my progress is slow, I do have an occasional ritual where I set a timer for 15 minutes and purge items from my drawers, closets, and other storage areas.  I place belongings in the trash or create a donation pile for Goodwill.  This is a hard task, as for some reason I want to hold on to clothing or other things that trigger memories.  Throwing away items is hard, but in an effort to move forward and continue to learn, grown and change, looking backwards is not congruent with my goals.

If you want to re-invent and re-launch your life, sometimes you have to make a fresh start.  Let go of the past, and make room for new stuff and experiences that you will encounter in the future. 

Purge the excess and live in the now. Get rid of useless stuff.  We don't need nearly as many trinkets as we have been lead to believe.  There is freedom in tossing out the old stuff.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Read, Listen, Learn, and Understand New Information..... Everyday

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #4)

Re-invention is not easy.  You cannot rely on your past knowledge and habits to take you in a new direction.  To re-launch in a new direction you must become an avid learner of the new career or lifestyle that you seek to conquer.   

Often people make assumptions about their new life, and make decisions based on what they feel and think.  This is often a recipe for failure. To undertake major change without an understanding of reality will mean more mistakes.  

Devote time to learning as much as you can about a new career, industry, etc...  Do this in advance of making the leap, but also everyday until you have become the master of that universe.  Then remind yourself to never stop learning.  Read books and articles, listen to podcast, take classes, practice new talents, and talk with people who have achieved the level of expertise you seek. Always be seeking new knowledge.

Never before in history have we had such access to information.  The internet has put everything we could ever want to learn at our fingertips.  Plus we now have a direct way to contact people who are living the lives we desire.  And still many fail to take advantage of the ease of learning and making key connections.

Sites like Coursera have put college classes, taught by professors at the top universities, online and free of charge.  I have taken several Coursera classes, and they are an awesome way to access top academic educational ideas and theories.  You need not be enrolled at Harvard to participate in a class taught by one of their professors, and they will challenge you to think bigger.  

Additionally, there are podcasts on any topic you can imagine.  With a smart phone and access to iTunes and Stitcher you can turn time in your car or at your gym into an education session.  Everything under the sun is discussed on podcasts, and while not all of them are awesome, there are many that will change your life if you listen regularly to the advice and the stories that are shared.

Interviewing experts is also a fantastic way to learn.  My own podcast, "Cool Things Entrepreneurs Do", was born out of my desire to learn more about life as entrepreneur and to be inspired by people who are living in entrepreneurial ways.  I was told that if you interview 50 people, you will never be the same again. This was great advice, and now after 73 interviews I can assure you that asking smart people to share their experiences is a fast way to learn, grow and become inspired.

If you are serious about a fresh start (at any age) you must become a dedicated student.  Those who will succeed at talking their life in a new direction will be those who are learning everyday.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Find A Mentor

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #3)

If you want to reinvent your life and discover success in new ways, find a mentor (or mentors) who will show you the paths toward success.  

Too often we look at career and life options and think their is only one way to achieve success.  However, in many industries and business disciplines there are several options that will lead people to their goals.  What we see from the outside looking in is often different from what those who are doing it experience on a day to day basis.

The world of professional speaking is a good example.  What most people think is the life of a speaker is very different than the realities. It can look fun and glamorous, and while there are many perks, people miss that it is a lot of work to grow a career as a paid presenter.  Most observe a speaker on stage during their talk or in the few minutes before they head back to the airport.  All the preparation, research, rehearsal, travel, travel delays, and lonely nights away from family are not understood.  When I first changed directions to become a full time speaker I had already spent countless hours building friendships with those who were working speakers. I had found serveral who were willing to mentor me along the way, and their guidance was paramount to my future. They showed me the realities of the industry, and that made it much easier to grow my own career.

A mentor / mentee relationship can be many things.  It can be a formal arrangement or a causal friendship.  The mentor can be a peer or a more experienced professional.  The key is to be able to learn from what your teacher has experienced in the past and to take those lessons into account to shorten your learning curve.

I have heard of some who claim their mentors are historical figures or industry legends whom they have never met.  They create ongoing conversations in their minds with Abe Lincoln, Henry Ford, or Martin Luther King. The key is that they are seeking the advice in the writings and reputations of their heros and getting guidance from them (in albeit an unorthodox manner).

There are many ways to find a mentor, but you have to be looking for the right person.  It can take time, and not everyone who is successful is the right choice. The old saying is "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear".   The first step is identifying someone, but then making sure the other person is willing can be just as hard.  Making the ask can be scary as people fear rejection and do not know how to describe what they are seeking.  Additionally many potential mentors do not know what is involved in such a role, and they are often trepidation about the time commitment and responsibility.  

Yet when it is right, it is right.  It is not just the mentee that learns and grows from the relationship, but also the mentor.  Experience alone is not how we teach others, so having a positive connection and an ongoing give and take makes the situation "win/win" for all involved.

Many people advertise and charge money to "mentor", but I believe a real mentor is not seeking financial compensation.  Executive Coaching is not the same as being a mentor.  Coaching is very task oriented and often based on a time-limit (set by the length of the financial agreement) while mentorship is based on the relationship and is open-ended in regards to time, based on the mutually agreed upon skills development.  The key is to not mix up the two.

I am not saying coaching is a bad thing, I have worked with coaches who have helped me overcome several career road-blocks, but the best mentors are there for the long-haul and transcend into meaningful friendships.

If you are looking to make a change, it is important that you find others who have "been there and done that", as otherwise you are going into your new world with blinders on.  It is easy to make assumptions without experience, but those who have lived the life you desire know what is true.  

Good luck, as finding a good mentor will have un-matched influence on your success.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

Surround Yourself With Great People

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #2)

If you want to change your life, surround yourself with people who are living the life you desire.  Jim Rohn famously said "You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with".  Think about that and look around at how your peers choose to spend their time.  It is your future.

Recently I was chatting by phone with an person who wants to have a career as a professional speaker.  I asked her "How many speaker friends do you have?"  She had no reply.  After a few seconds she asked "Do you count?" (we were are not yet really "friends", as we just met).  I am unclear how anyone can enter a new industry or lifestyle without knowing people who are living in that arena.

It can be difficult to make new friends as we get older.  For Generation X or the Baby Boomers it might seem like they have all their friends in place for life.  Yet people will come and go from your life at all stages if you are open to sharing your world with others, you can find the right people.

Early in life we have school, clubs, sports and other formal and informal activities that bring us together with new people.  Relationships are forged through shared experiences, but in today's hyper busy world we tend to be isolated quite often.  Thus to make new friends you must put in a serious effort.

To find create new connections you first must act like a friend.  What do friends do?  They care.  They listen.  They put the other person first. They make sacrifices.  Etc....  In real life we often behave in opposite ways to those we do not know, thus making it even harder to get to create friendships.  

It is like dating; all parties must be committed to moving it forward if you want anything lasting and meaningful to occur.

Join organizations, and get involved.  If you can't find the right organization, start your own group.  Try getting people together for coffee or drinks on a regular basis. It has never been easier to reach people with shared interests.  But realize that meeting someone once does not make them part of your network.  Meeting them once makes them somebody you have met once.  There is a big difference between a single encounter and a long-term and mutually beneficial relationship.  Be patient and work to understand the motivations and needs of others, in addition to your own.

Remember, not everyone you want to make part of your inner circle will want to be your friend.  That is okay.  There are plenty of great people in the world, and you can find the right tribe with effort and patience. 

Additionally, there are times when friendships come to an end.  While sad, it is not uncommon and should not create excess drama.  You cannot make people be part of your world, so happily enjoy the memories and then surround yourself with the people who have come to share the next chapters of your life.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Don't Worry About What Others Think

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #1)

As the members of "Generation X" hit the big 4-0 and big 5-0, the time has come for us to take charge of our lives.  We were educated by the baby boomers and those who came before to expect a world that changed.  The reality of today is different than what we went to school to learn.  If we allow the expectations of others to hold us back from forging our own paths now, we may not get another chance.  

Now is the mid-point of life for Gen X.  This generation that was thought to be slackers are proving to be cunning entrepreneurs who make things happen. Those who are finding the most success are not worried about what others think, and instead are taking action.  

Those of us in this generation that is sandwiched between the Boomers and Millennials do not get the same amount of press coverage as those on either side, but we don't care.  We just do stuff and make things happen.

If you want to get a fresh start in your life or career at this middle age you cannot be worried about what other people think.  Very often we place our identities in our our job titles or other outside labels that are assigned by those around us.  You are a doctor, lawyer, husband, mother, etc....  Your past actions are what the world assumes your now is all about.  But in our hearts many of us know we are ready to re-launch.

None of us are any one single thing, and if we want to make a change in our life in our 40s or 50s we cannot be hung up on conclusions that other people have jumped.

It is easy to get caught in a role that begins to feel like a ever deepening hole. We wonder if we are too old to do something new. If you are seeking a fresh start that gets you closer to your real self, then you cannot be stuck in your past.  

Clearly your relationships with those closest to you matter as do their feelings.  But outside your family and closest friends, why in the world should you care how outsiders judge you?  We are being judged all the time and it does not matter one bit.

When I launched out on my own as a speaker many of my "friends" discussed how they thought I would fail in my quest.  While I might have failed (happily I have not), the journey of trying was the important thing to me.  I had longed to start my own business for many years, and if I had not done it at age 42, I am certain regret would have always been present.    

Hearing what others thought about my goals, especially those who secretly gossiped negative opinions (oh yes, if you say something bad about another person, even in confidence, rest assured they will hear of your sharp tongue) could have derailed the whole thing and sent me looking for a regular job.  But I did not care.  The time had come to own my dream.  My wife and kids were supportive, and that was all that mattered.

There will always be naysayers, and this stops many people from ever trying to go for a re-invention.  The time is now for Generation X to drop any assumptions, labels, and limits.  Today is about a fresh start.

Have A Great Day

thom singer  

Handwritten Notes and Showing Up In-Person (Better than a text???)

A good friend of mine mentors a college student. The student had interviewed for a job, but the company had not responded to her after the initial interview.  She was curious what to do, so my friend recommended writing a handwritten note and hand-delivering it to the person she had met with a few weeks earlier.

For a digital native the idea of handwritten note and an unexpected physical visit to the company seemed like advice from Mars.  But, she trusts her mentor, and instead of sending yet another email she showed up with her note.

Her is the email she sent my friend:

Dear "Mentor"-

I wanted to thank you for your advice last week to write a hand written thank-you note and to hand deliver it. Going there unexpected was one of the scariest things I've done so far but I feel like it was probably one of the most effective things I could have done. The lady I interviewed with explained how the next person that was supposed to contact me hasn't reached out yet because they have been out sick with strep throat. Here's to hoping I hear from them soon; it is a dream opportunity.   

    Thank-you again; I think I really needed that push out the door. This first year after school has ironically been one of my steepest learning curves. 

All the best

"Mentee"

Even in our text and email world, the personal touch goes a long way.  I applaud this Millenial for going the extra mile.  I hope she gets the job.

There is often a lot of debate about the power of the handwritten note and the personal touch, but it still works.  I think that many who argue against this "old school" approach are simply not wanting to put in any effort.  Too often people think "how do I streamline my actions to make my own life easier".  This is selfish thinking.  Instead, it might be smarter to think "how can I put myself out and do extra work that might make me uncomfortable, yet shows the other person they are worth it".

What do you think?

Have A Great Day

thom singer

Random Haiku #3

A presentation

Audience of open hearts

Touch a soul today

Random Haiku #2

Mothers Day Memories

Fun lady who made us laugh

Left life far too soon