Sunday, August 09, 2015

Re-invention is a Lonely Journey

40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #15)

When you want to make changes in your life and re-invent yourself there is a lot of time spent examining the mistakes you have made along the way.  If you are honest, these blunders can be painful to think about.  However, at the same time there is a freeing feeling in the work of self-improvement. 

Most of us do not spend much time thinking about our flaws, but we all have areas where we come up short.  The hardest part of embracing change and seeking ways to start fresh in your behaviors, habits, thoughts and actions is that once you peel back the curtain, there may be more areas where you have fallen short than you are prepared to embrace.

Early in my efforts to re-invent myself I was excited.  There was a sense of pride in the mistakes I have made as they were a sign of being human.  We all fail and I was cocky about my willingness to look at my faults.  But the more accustomed I got to admitting my weaknesses, the more prevalent they became.

It bummed me out.  Life has been fairly good and I had always self-identified as someone who had his shit together and made good choices.  Sure, I knew I wasn’t perfect, but I had viewed myself as a fairly decent fellow.  While my faults are not huge character blunders or morally offensive, the things I can improve became numerous.  This was both scary and sad. It made me question many things, including the wisdom of tackling a re-invention.

Several times I have said that re-invention and re-launching is not for the faint of heart. This is proving to be more true than I had imagined.  One has to be prepared for the emotional heartache that can come with working on improving how you live your life.  The reality of your faults can be hard to carry, and the reactions or indifference of the people around you can be hurtful.  You want to celebrate the small wins, but others do not care.  Society expects huge change or your entire efforts are suspect.

My biggest lesson from trying to implement change in my life is that re-invention is lonely.  Many of the highs and lows of working to discover how to be a better person are witnessed in solitude.  You want others to be with you, but they are not always present, even when nearby. 

Some people get nervous about your efforts because it makes them see their own life being stuck in limbo, and they are not ready to face their own issues.  There are people who find their own self-importance in your flaws, and you erasing those can cause them to lose their own identity.  Others are too busy doing their own thing to notice what is happening in your life.  

Finding people who will support in your journey is not easy.  I recommend it, but they are not easy to identify.  If you want to make changes, be ready to face much of the burden alone.

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

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