Saturday, June 22, 2013

How To Have A "Thick Skin"

People get upset quickly, and often worry too much about what others are thinking.  Since few of us are clairvoyant, we tend to fill in the areas where we do not have information on the thoughts of others, and this can lead to hurt feelings and misunderstandings.  Emotions are tricky things.  Add imagination on top of it and it can hurt.

I remember when I learned not to be upset by things people say and do that are out of my control.  I was upset with some friends in college who made a choice that did not include me, and I took it personally.  One of my buddies pointed out that I could allow the situation to derail years of friendships, or I could realize that they did not mean harm, but instead simply had to make a choice.  This time the choice was not me, but it did not mean they did not like me anymore. 

Wise friends are valuable. 

This situation gave me a new perspective.  I have since tried to have a thicker skin and to be slow to anger, and fast to forgive.  This is not the same as letting people walk over me or take advantage... but instead when I see they are not aligned with my desires, I quickly move to a position of understanding.  Others can take actions that impact me, yet their decision are not necessarily about me.

Five tips to having a thicker skin:

1.  Realize that others do not spend much time thinking about you, your life, or your concerns.  They think about themselves.  

2.  When you do not know all the facts, do not assume to know the motivation in another person's soul.  

3.  Communicate better.  Most problems between people come from a break down in communication.  More information is a good thing.

4.  Remember that you cannot always be right or win in every situation.  Embrace your wrongness from time to time.  Own it.

5.  While you should not let someone take advantage of you, forgiving people for quickly will lead to more peace of mind.

Have A Great Day 

thom singer

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