Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Not Everything Is A Competition


Take joy in the success of others, even your competitors.  There are too many naysayers who are full of jealousy and send negative vibes. When others succeed they are not taking away from your success.  The pie is not finite, there are plenty of unique slices of life's pie to go around. Not everything has to be a competition.

As a member of the National Speakers Association I learned about the "Spirit of Cavett". Don't worry about how we divide up the pie, there is enough for everybody. Let's just build a bigger pie!”  This philosophy is present 40 years later in many (not all) of those are active in NSA, and it has allowed me to build some amazing supportive friendships with others in my industry.  Seeing each other expand that pie is a joy for all of us.
 Cavett Robert was the founder of the organization and in bringing the industry together he told his fellow speakers “

It is exiting to me when I witness another person finding their next level of success.  It always reminds me that I, too, can wrestle a new rung on the ladder.  A person I know had a great 2014 that launched his career out ahead of my own, and he is positioned to crush 2015.  That cool.  Yes, I have an ego and wish I was the one who had the rockets firing in this manner, but I am not jealous.  I am enthusiastic about seeing him turn up the dial, and want to learn from him how I can do the same thing.

In our social media crazy world it is easy to feel the need to constantly compare ourselves to the successes shared on Facebook, Twitter, etc...  But if we are always measuring, we can become quickly disappointed.  There is always somebody who will pull out in front, and if that saddens us, we are destined to be gloomy.

Beyond social media, there are also those people in our lives who mascaraed as friends that find ways to bring us down.  While there is no need to "break up" with friends, sometimes you are better off when you are distanced from those who try to undermine the pursuit of goals.  I met with a bright young man who I mentor (age 25) who is realizing this hard fact early in his career.  He has discovered some co-workers and friends mock his ambition and his desire to grow and succeed.  He is realizing that he must seek out people who are supportive and who share his positive outlook.  A good lesson to learn early!

5 Tips For Getting Past the Naysayers


  1. Be aware that some people will try to cut you off from your success.  It is similar to storing live crabs or lobsters in an open top box.... when one tries to crawl out, others will grab them and pull them back into the pile.  Knowing that there are people who want to hold you back makes it harder for their negativity to stifle your ambition.
  2. Surround yourself with positive people.  Look for those who find joy in the success of others, and get to know them better.  But remember, it is not just about them supporting and promoting you... you need to show them the same level of enthusiasm.  Seeking new friends and building long-term and mutually beneficial relationships takes effort, but it is worth having the right people in your world.
  3. Have clear goals and review them often.  It is easy to get blown off course by the high winds of life.  But when you are focused on what success looks like, you can reset your efforts and move back on plan easily.
  4. Do not make everything a competition.  If you are measuring yourself against all your competitors (or a specific competitor), then you could easily be left licking your wounds. Instead of feeling down about another's victory, celebrate it.  The pie is infinite, so help them enjoy their success and then look for new ways to find your own slice of triumph.
  5. Be slow to anger and fast to forgive.  People will piss you off.  It happens.  However, too often we create an impression of another person that is based on our own perspective, not their reality.  When we wrongly jump to a conclusion, it can keep us from finding the good in someone, and limit our chance to establish a friendship.

As we get older it is harder to make new friendships.  We are busy, set in our ways, and people have their routines.  But all opportunities come from the relationships we have with the right people.  The negative people and our own limiting beliefs can be overcome when we have amazing people in our lives who share in the desire to grow the pie.

Have A Great Day

thom singer

1 comment:

Thom Singer said...

It was pointed out that I failed to address the fact that sometimes negative feedback is a good thing. True, true, true. But the key difference is how and why people deliver negative input. If their intention is positive (to help you), and if they are not always the one who criticizes... then their feedback is a gift. But if they are mocking your efforts or questioning "why you?"... then that is the bad thing I am addressing here.