Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Not Everyone Will Be Your Friend

Your network is important.  All opportunities come from people, and your meaningful relationships are a powerful asset in this hyper competitive world.  Many people will come along throughout your career who can help you achieve more than you ever imagined.  

But not everyone you meet will become part of your circle.  Sometimes there is just not the "love connections".  It is okay.  You do not have to like everyone, and the reality is that not everyone will like you.

Sometimes you have to just give up.  There are people out there with whom you want to establish a strong connection who just do not give a damn about building a relationship with you in return.  You try, but they always have something more important to do than be your friend. 

Too many people never will invest any effort in connecting with others.  Some are busy.  Others are shy.  And let's not forget those who have an inflated sense of their own importance.  

With 7+ billion people on the planet, you should not worry about that one soul who is not into you.

Move on.  Don't be rude.  Do not send a note.  Just place your focus on other people who do share a desire to create a long-term and mutually beneficial relationship. 

Who knows, maybe it is a timing thing. Perhaps they will eventually come around and reach out to you. Maybe they do not see your value yet.  Go out and continue to be awesome and the right people will notice.  

Stop over-thinking what is going on, as you cannot know the motivation of another person.  We can get consumed within our own imagination and miss making the connections with the right people.

Care about people and seek out those want to care about others....., and you will find them.

It's okay. 

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

NOTE - Please read the comments on this post.  I obviously missed the mark in what I was trying to say above, as a couple of people commented negatively about my direction in the article (and a couple of friends mentioned this post to me live).  I welcome others who would like to comment.


Leslie M said...

There are two separate issues here.

You do not have to be friends with someone to have a reciprocal networking relationship. Heck, it's hard to maintain the special friendships we already have! Some relationships have a specific time and place and that may be in your business network.

Interfacing with people you don't like or who don't like you is a whole other thing ...

I meet people in business that I like all the time. Really like. And who I connect with professionally. If I had more time / lived near them / had kids the same age / shared the same religion / political values / demographic surely we'd be friends. But after the working part is over I know we'll go on to be just networked people or Facebook friends simply because of time and circumstances.

mydogcisco said...

Leslie...I completely agree with your take on this post. I'd also add that the sentence where its suggested that you, "go out and continue to be awesome and the right people will notice" is more than a little self indulgent. Possibly you aren't as "awesome" as you perceive yourself to be and instead you quite possibly suffer from this Facebook age ailment of only wanting to hear "thumb's up" responses when, in fact, what you need is a reality check or less filtered assessment of yourself in terms of agenda, interpersonal skills and open-ness to the value of others versus a perpetual validation of your narcissistic tendencies. I run into many people these days that only "like" people whom echo back what they want to hear about themselves. Fleetwood Mac's lyric comes to mind: "don't ask me what I think of you I might not give the answer that you want me too." Or put another way, don't always assume that what you initiate must be responded to. If being true to "thine own self" is what makes you happy then just do it, but don't pine away for fans or external validation...or get deluded that your perspective is the only valid one.

Thom Singer said...

Leslie and MyDogCisco-

Thanks for your thought provoking comments. I appreciate what you said, as it made me revisit my words.

This post came in response to a person who called me upset, as she was trying to get more involved in her building new business relationships and some people were totally ignoring her efforts. It was not that they interfaced and were not "friends"... it was a series of ignored calls, canceled coffee, etc... She felt rejected.

I was thinking about how it is okay that not everyone responds. People have lives and other motivations. It is not necessarily a judgement.

I love it when I get called to the carpet on a post, when I thought I meant one thing and readers see it differently (this happens sometimes... maybe more than I care to admit).

I fully see what you are saying. I meant it to be more of a post to the issue that was saying not to fret that someone does not want to meet for coffee or be your friend (friend was not used correctly, as Leslie is right... a friend is a friend,.... a contact is something else). Go on with your life and cherish the relationships you do have (and others you will build). My word choices were obviously off the mark.

I had two other people not like my use of the word "awesome". One person told me "awesome" is a pompous word and should not be encouraged. I had not thought of it that way.... I think the woman that spurred the post is awesome (in a good way), as she is not pompous and serves others regularly. She is a good person who is trying to do things.....I chose that word as a compliment.

I agree that one should not think their point of view is the only valid one. My favorite people I follow on FB are those who I do not agree with on the issues of the world..... but by being connected to them I get exposure to other points of view.... which help me grow and change. I do not want to have the same thoughts locked in stone on everything as I get older and have new experiences. I hope I learn from others. Maybe I don't do a good job of this either?

That said, when I write, I fail sometimes to be as clear as I wish. Many do this, and this experience reminds me of that.

I thought about removing this post, as my words missed my point.... but I decided against that, as I would rather leave it and learn from it when I write my next post.

I am a work in progress - and appreciate a good smack in the face when I fail in my efforts.

Please come back and continue the conversation on other posts.

Thom Singer said...

I have continued to think about this post for the last few days, and three thing are sticking in my mine.

#1 - I need to be more open minded when I read things others write to understand that my interpretation of their meaning is not always going to match their actual intent. I tend to jump to too many conclusions about meaning without really knowing. I think I judge too fast (I think many of us do that). We live in a world where we all think we "know" others, but we really do not. Also, I cannot expect others to fill in the blanks to what I mean if I am not clear in my writing. People are not clairvoyant.

#2 - The word awesome. This one has been lingering in my head. I do not think "awesome" is bad. I do not think telling someone to "go be awesome" is pompous, as I am not saying "go be more awesome than others".... as we all have it within us to shine in our own ways. I want people to do their best, serve their community (whatever that means to them), and excel the best they can. I by no means think awesome is self indulgent. I like the word awesome. It is awesome.

#3 - I use the word "friend" and "relationship" too fast when talking about connections. I realize from this that I need to find words that better show the truth. Maybe it is because I tend to hope that people will become friends, but that is not always what happens.

I love to be challenged to think, and revisit my own points of view. I am trying each day to provide some value to someone (although most of the time I hope I am just not taking away anything from the greater good). I love it when someone pushes me on what I write.