Repairing A Business Relationship

In March of 2006 I wrote this post:

"How do you repair a business relationship that has gotten off to a bad start, or has been damaged?"


The question had come to me in an email from a reader of this blog and I did my best to share some observations and advice.

Over the years I have seen in my analytic reports that several people stumble upon my blog with a search on a related topic to repairing a damaged relationship.  As humans are prone to make mistakes, this topic can be one of concern.... and clearly one that comes up often.

I too have had experiences with bruised feelings and broken connections.  Sometimes these are a result of my stumbles (I am happy to admit if I screw up), and other situations have been because of the other person's actions.  Most of the time it is likely a two way street and a result of a breakdown in communication.  

Although I try to lead by example in my interactions with people, I am always reminded that whenever you have interactions with other human beings... the other people have their own point of view, opinions, and their own "stuff".  We can never fully know the "back-story" of the other people, and that is why it is best to give people the benefit of the doubt and be slow to anger and fast to forgive.  

Forgiveness is tough for those who think the world is out to get them or whose first reaction is "what's in it for me".  Those who think that people want to take advantage of them are more likely to hold grudges and want to punish others.  

I had a situation this week with a person I only know online.  I failed to follow up with them and he let me know he was angry, and asked me to never contact him again.  I genuinely felt bad, and through an exchange of emails he offered the chance to start over.  I had pegged him as one who lead with collaboration, and I was pleased to find his quick path to forgiveness.  Now the burden is on me to advance the relationship so that we can really "know" each other (as online links do not give enough foundation to carry one over a stumbling block), and I must be careful not to drop the ball again anytime soon (all people will drop the ball from time to time, it is just not doing it again too soon!).  If you find forgiveness, you must cherish it, as it is a gift that is not often given!

I am happy about the online dis-connect with this gentleman (well, I am not "happy", but for me it has worked out okay), as it ties directly into my efforts to be "better" in 2012.  By facing my own shortcomings and mistakes this year I am learning (maybe growing?).  We live in a busy world where many of us cannot keep up with everything.  This wont change, as I think it will just get crazier over the next few years.  Being aware of the fall out that can occur is paramount to not making the same mistakes over and over again. 

This is why friendships matter in business relationships.  If you really care about someone you will be more prone to want to fix a situation before it gets out of hand.  When we only know someone via a social media site there is little on which to hold a mutual understanding.  Pride gets in the way and then there is little we can do to get back to a mutually beneficial relationship.

When communication breaks down then their is a vacuum of assumptions that fill the void.  The key to avoiding conflict is better communication.  If the relationships is hurt, then it can often take a willingness on both sides to get to a resolution.  If one person is too angry or otherwise hurt, then there is little that can be done to finding a place to restart, rebuild, or reconnect. 

Have A Great Day.

thom singer

When You Mess Up -- Admit It and Fix It

You know what? I make mistakes. Sometimes big ones, sometimes little ones.... but I do blunder from time to time.

I wrote a fast blog post the other night between flights from Cleveland to Denver. I had been working on the post in my head for over two weeks as part of getting my thoughts together for a presentation to 150 CFO's and other financial executives.

As part of my prep work I asked folks on Twitter to share any thoughts on what CFO's need to know about Social Media. My goal here was to make sure that I had not missed anything that would be important to the audience.

I only got a few responses, and they were in line with the information that the company sponsoring the event had asked me to cover.... but when writing the blog post I did lean on some of the advice from the Twitterians and wrapped it all into one article.

Today I got an email from a woman named Cindy Kraft (@CFOCoach). She was not happy with me, and rightly so, as I had not mentioned the Twitter people who had responded to my query in my blog post.

Here is her note:

"Shocked, Thom, that you did not give any attribution to the folks who submitted ideas to you in your recent blog post, especially since they were almost verbatim. I would never had expected that from you"

Cindy Kraft

I will go back and add a notation to the original post.

I punched out the post quickly, and most of the things were already stuff that was being covered in my presentation.... and thus it never dawned on me to mention Twitter's inspiration. I was wrong.

For what it is worth, I did share with the audience that that I had asked this question of my Twitter followers, and that several folks had chimed in with ideas. I used this as an example of how social media does have power in making us all better at our jobs. That there is a vast world of information, ideas, knowledge, inspiration, and people willing to help (once you get past all the B.S. and noise).

Alas, I have learned another lesson in how to respond when tapping into Social Media. I think many people forget that such back and forth human interactions are a source, just like a magazine article, interview or book.

I am usually pretty good at giving credit where credit is due..... but I am not perfect, and this was a new entry into remembering that a Tweet really is a resource.

Have A Great Day.

thom