40 Tips To Re-Invent and Re-Launch at Age 40, 50, or Beyond. (Tip #2)
If you want to change your life, surround yourself with people who are living the life you desire. Jim Rohn famously said "You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with". Think about that and look around at how your peers choose to spend their time. It is your future.
Recently I was chatting by phone with an person who wants to have a career as a professional speaker. I asked her "How many speaker friends do you have?" She had no reply. After a few seconds she asked "Do you count?" (we were are not yet really "friends", as we just met). I am unclear how anyone can enter a new industry or lifestyle without knowing people who are living in that arena.
It can be difficult to make new friends as we get older. For Generation X or the Baby Boomers it might seem like they have all their friends in place for life. Yet people will come and go from your life at all stages if you are open to sharing your world with others, you can find the right people.
Early in life we have school, clubs, sports and other formal and informal activities that bring us together with new people. Relationships are forged through shared experiences, but in today's hyper busy world we tend to be isolated quite often. Thus to make new friends you must put in a serious effort.
To find create new connections you first must act like a friend. What do friends do? They care. They listen. They put the other person first. They make sacrifices. Etc.... In real life we often behave in opposite ways to those we do not know, thus making it even harder to get to create friendships.
It is like dating; all parties must be committed to moving it forward if you want anything lasting and meaningful to occur.
Join organizations, and get involved. If you can't find the right organization, start your own group. Try getting people together for coffee or drinks on a regular basis. It has never been easier to reach people with shared interests. But realize that meeting someone once does not make them part of your network. Meeting them once makes them somebody you have met once. There is a big difference between a single encounter and a long-term and mutually beneficial relationship. Be patient and work to understand the motivations and needs of others, in addition to your own.
Remember, not everyone you want to make part of your inner circle will want to be your friend. That is okay. There are plenty of great people in the world, and you can find the right tribe with effort and patience.
Additionally, there are times when friendships come to an end. While sad, it is not uncommon and should not create excess drama. You cannot make people be part of your world, so happily enjoy the memories and then surround yourself with the people who have come to share the next chapters of your life.
Have A Great Day
thom singer
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Friendship. Show all posts
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Monday, August 22, 2011
Embrace Change and Start Fresh
As my kids return to school today I am reminded of the power of fresh starts. Having a child entering high school, a meaningful milestone, is a strong example of how life is meant to include change. My wife and I seem overwhelmed by this big step, but our daughter is taking it in stride. She is ready to embrace change and start fresh.
Thinking back on my own education, each year came new teachers, friends and experiences. It also brought new freedoms and responsibilities. I spent kindergarten through high school within the same school district, and advanced with many of the same kids all along the way. While our lives remained the same, they also changed constantly. We did not know it at the time, but it was the new experiences that forged our futures. The changes did us good.
Grown-ups embrace fewer fresh starts. We often have a harder time making new friends, and while there are always opportunities for change (career changes, new cities, participation in new groups, etc....), we either avoid it altogether or try to lesson the impact of the newness on our lives.
But life is change. Seeking out ways to reinvent ourselves and encounter the unknown expands opportunities. Our attitude is the key to how we find power in what comes our way. With new experiences can come new people and I believe that adding interesting friends is paramount to a fulfilling life.
I am always seeking to meet new people and try new things. I might even try something other than a Vanilla Latte next time I go into Starbucks (yeah, maybe not).
I am always seeking to meet new people and try new things. I might even try something other than a Vanilla Latte next time I go into Starbucks (yeah, maybe not).
How has your life changed this year?
Have A Great Day
thom singer
Sunday, June 06, 2010
How To Be A Good Friend
A month ago I was called upon to facilitate a firm-wide lawyer retreat focused on business development for a great law firm in the Southwest. I have worked with this client before, and I am very impressed with the efforts of this group of attorneys to raise their image and brand in their community. They already have a wonderful reputation, but are also aware that "Law" is a business. They are working to ensure they make their business development, marketing, networking, branding, advertising, PR, sales, and social media a priority. I wanted to work more with this client!
The problem was the date of their meeting was over a four day trip that my wife was taking with my oldest daughter. This left me needing to find someone to take care of my 8-year-old. We do not have grandparents nearby, and there was no easy option that was comfortable for everyone involved (including me).
I asked a life-long friend from Los Angeles, Tim Homan, if he would consider flying to Tucson to spend two days with us. He could take Kate to the movies and swimming pool during my Friday and Saturday meetings at the law firm. He did not even hesitate. He has a flexible work schedule, and immediately agreed to step into help me. My need was to make sure that I would not be distracted by anything (or worried about Kate), as it takes a lot of effort and energy to prepare and facilitate a successful workshop.
I had not seen Tim in over two years, so it was also a chance for us to catch up. I purchased a airline ticket for him and we all arrived at in Tucson at the same time. We ate lunch and then I spent a few hours with my client. While I was with the lawyers, he took Kate to a movie. Later that night we all went to dinner (Mi Nindito is one of the best Mexican Restaurants in the country!! It was worth the hour and ten minute wait!). After Kate went to sleep we talked for several hours. The next day I facilitated the workshop while they went swimming. Finally we all had lunch and then drove back to the airport. Tim was home in L.A. by dinnertime on Saturday. Kate an I were home in Austin by 9 PM.
It was a short business trip, and a good time for everyone involved. Kate thought he was the most fun "Manny" (male nanny) in the whole world. Also, Kate and I had an adventure traveling together and ate dinner at TGI Fridays in the Dallas Airport, .... where I even let her have a hot fudge sundae (cuz I am a push over when that kid gives me that "cow eyes" look!).
This whole experience got me thinking a lot about "friendship". I have known Tim since 7th grade and we attended the same college. I cannot remember a time when we were not friends. We have always helped each other out in the "rough times" and have been present for the "good times". Whenever I have needed someone's help and he has never hesitated.
I took this experience to have a long talk with my daughter about the whole idea of "friendship". We talked "How To Be A Good Friend", and although she is only eight, she was very interested in the idea of having friendships that last over 30 years. I never know if any of my impromptu life lessons sink in with my kids, but this one seemed to make an impression. I pointed out that Tim has his own daughter, and I was sure he would have rather been in Southern California than in a movie theater with Kate in Arizona.... but that real friends are there to help each other.
The woman sitting next to Kate and I on the flight home heard our conversation and added "WOW, it is not every 43 year old guy that would give up his Friday and Saturday, and hop a plane, to baby-sit some kid for a couple of hours and then fly home! - That is the definition of a friend!". She is right.
I am fortunate, as I have several friends in my life who naturally step up help each other. I hope I am one of friends to them in return. I think I am, but I am motivated to work even harder in this area. It just takes noticing what others really need and then finding ways to be the catalyst that helps them succeed.
How about you? Are you the type of friend who comes through in those weird and rare occasions when they really just need someone... even if it is an inconvenience?
Have A Great Day.
thom
The problem was the date of their meeting was over a four day trip that my wife was taking with my oldest daughter. This left me needing to find someone to take care of my 8-year-old. We do not have grandparents nearby, and there was no easy option that was comfortable for everyone involved (including me).
I asked a life-long friend from Los Angeles, Tim Homan, if he would consider flying to Tucson to spend two days with us. He could take Kate to the movies and swimming pool during my Friday and Saturday meetings at the law firm. He did not even hesitate. He has a flexible work schedule, and immediately agreed to step into help me. My need was to make sure that I would not be distracted by anything (or worried about Kate), as it takes a lot of effort and energy to prepare and facilitate a successful workshop.
I had not seen Tim in over two years, so it was also a chance for us to catch up. I purchased a airline ticket for him and we all arrived at in Tucson at the same time. We ate lunch and then I spent a few hours with my client. While I was with the lawyers, he took Kate to a movie. Later that night we all went to dinner (Mi Nindito is one of the best Mexican Restaurants in the country!! It was worth the hour and ten minute wait!). After Kate went to sleep we talked for several hours. The next day I facilitated the workshop while they went swimming. Finally we all had lunch and then drove back to the airport. Tim was home in L.A. by dinnertime on Saturday. Kate an I were home in Austin by 9 PM.
It was a short business trip, and a good time for everyone involved. Kate thought he was the most fun "Manny" (male nanny) in the whole world. Also, Kate and I had an adventure traveling together and ate dinner at TGI Fridays in the Dallas Airport, .... where I even let her have a hot fudge sundae (cuz I am a push over when that kid gives me that "cow eyes" look!).
This whole experience got me thinking a lot about "friendship". I have known Tim since 7th grade and we attended the same college. I cannot remember a time when we were not friends. We have always helped each other out in the "rough times" and have been present for the "good times". Whenever I have needed someone's help and he has never hesitated.
I took this experience to have a long talk with my daughter about the whole idea of "friendship". We talked "How To Be A Good Friend", and although she is only eight, she was very interested in the idea of having friendships that last over 30 years. I never know if any of my impromptu life lessons sink in with my kids, but this one seemed to make an impression. I pointed out that Tim has his own daughter, and I was sure he would have rather been in Southern California than in a movie theater with Kate in Arizona.... but that real friends are there to help each other.
The woman sitting next to Kate and I on the flight home heard our conversation and added "WOW, it is not every 43 year old guy that would give up his Friday and Saturday, and hop a plane, to baby-sit some kid for a couple of hours and then fly home! - That is the definition of a friend!". She is right.
I am fortunate, as I have several friends in my life who naturally step up help each other. I hope I am one of friends to them in return. I think I am, but I am motivated to work even harder in this area. It just takes noticing what others really need and then finding ways to be the catalyst that helps them succeed.
How about you? Are you the type of friend who comes through in those weird and rare occasions when they really just need someone... even if it is an inconvenience?
Have A Great Day.
thom
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